


Black and Blue and Broken Bones

by kristen999



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Coda, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Fix-It, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s10e19 E Ho'i Na Keiki Oki Uaua O Na Pali (Home Go the Very Tough Lads of the Hills), Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristen999/pseuds/kristen999
Summary: Summary: It took ten long years for Steve to finally reach a breaking point and only ten days for him to fall apart. But Steve wouldn’t face the coming storm alone; he and Danny would battle it together. Re-working/fix-it of the episodes leading to the series finale. Starting after eppy 10.19.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 325
Kudos: 468





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I’m doing something I have not done in over ten years and that is write a WIP. I normally hole-up for the weeks or months it takes to complete something before posting it, but these are different times. I really need the joy of the fandom experience right now with everything going on in the world. 
> 
> This alters from canon with my own version of events. I use canon as solid framework and go from there. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Gaelicspirit for her help with this journey.

* * *

The sunset painted the sky in hues of red and pink, capturing the moments before the day disappeared and night descended. Danny had to admit, it really was beautiful. Although, he could have done without multiple shoot-outs, and another last man standing battle for their lives to mark the occasion. 

Guiding his horse around a bend, Danny’s thoughts of nature and serenity shifted toward a sense of urgency. He hadn’t been joking with Steve earlier; Danny really had no desire to get stuck on this mountain at night. 

Speaking of. His gaze drifted toward Steve’s slumped shoulders, the way his body listed more to the left, weariness exuding from his whole being. 

Steve’s melancholy only made Danny even more anxious to leave this hunk of rock. Danny was tired down to his bones, and if he felt this way how was Steve even still awake? Could he fall asleep while riding a horse? Danny kept a close eye just in case. 

It took almost an hour to return to their cars and load up their gear. Steve had been quiet the entire time. Sullen. It made Danny twitch with the need to touch, to soothe, because Steve had been doing _okay_ the last few months—not a ray of sunshine, but better. He wasn’t staring at the sea in a daze each morning; there’d been less forced smiles and more genuine laughs at Danny’s bad jokes.

There’d been progress. Or had there?

He’d been staying at Steve’s for months, moving from sofa to guestroom, taking part in breakfast and dinners, then the occasional beer out on the lanai. The whole point had been to keep an eye on Steve, to be there when needed. What had Danny missed? 

Between one random thought and another, they had finally reached the bottom of the trail to hand off the horses. A step closer to getting home. 

Wordlessly, Steve handed him the keys to the car and walked like an old man with arthritis toward the passenger side. 

Alarm bells blared in Danny’s ears. “Should we swing by the ER?” 

“Negative.” 

Steve climbed heavily inside the Camaro, leaving Danny torn. There was a gigantic rock with Steve’s blood all over it from where he smashed his head. And fuck. A practical, sane person would drive Steve to the hospital to get things like x-rays and stitches, maybe a scan. But Danny’s big dumb heart overrode his brain and he drove them home.

Funny how he thought of Steve’s house as _theirs_ given Danny still paid rent somewhere else. But he kept those thoughts locked inside a box along with a million others. Like the fact that Steve had been waxing poetic about sunsets just after pacing upstairs late at night after Danny had fallen asleep. The thought of Steve agitated, restless for hours on end, only made Danny sweat as he got into the car, wondering about his own what-if’s, and Jesus, he was having his own anxiety attack. 

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he drove. 

Silence. 

Danny took his eyes off the road and glanced over at Steve who had his eyes closed. “You still with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Danny looked over again. “What’s today’s date?”

“Are you going to ask for my social security number, too?”

“Sure, why not?”

“You don’t have to keep checking me for signs of a concussion.” 

Steve was a prickly bear when hurting. 

“Actually, I do. Because based on how grumpy you are, and the fact that Mountain Man got the upper hand on you…, I’m guessing that it’s at least an Advil and icepack kind of night?”

Steve stiffened in his seat. “He didn’t get the upper hand on me.”

This was becoming a familiar sensitive subject, but one Danny refused to tip-toe around. “What do you call being almost crushed by a giant log because you were too woozy to react?”

“Did you see the seven remaining bodies on the ground?” 

How could have Danny missed them?

“Yes, I did. Two were the result of my excellent aim.” Hurt Steve was both prickly _and_ sensitive. Which was ironic coming given they were arguing about his efficiency in lethal force, which Steve more than excelled at. “And while I commend your SEAL prowess, and ability to recreate Sergeant York out there, I still reserve the right to point out that a guy who could have been one of those characters in Game of Thrones did, in fact, have the upper hand.”

Pulling into the driveway, he turned off the engine and waited for the next verbal volley. But Steve hadn’t removed his seatbelt or continued their trademark post _we-were-almost-killed-on-the-job_ argument, something they did to help ground each other back to reality after all the adrenaline had ended. Maybe this time was different; it sure felt different. 

Danny worked his jaw. Instead of continuing their routine of bickering, Danny silently got out of the car, and went around and opened the door for Steve, offering a hand without a joke or barb.

Steve sighed and accepted Danny’s help, Danny holding him steady a moment when Steve swayed on his feet. 

This was definably a close all the curtains, grab lots of ice, and use gentle handling type situation.

Entering the living room, Danny shut and locked the door, resting his hand on Steve’s shoulder to guide him upstairs. But Steve skipped the landing and headed toward the back of the house in grim determination.

“Hey, the bed is in the other direction,” Danny reminded him.

But Steve worked his way toward the sliding glass door, using various furniture to steady himself.

“You are not going out for a swim, Steve. Hey, do you hear me?”

Steve stepped outside and Danny followed him, his heart pounding. This was not normal. Not in any sense of the word. There wasn’t a box big enough to contain Danny’s growing concern.

Like a siren song, Steve wandered toward the beach chairs, grabbing one of the top rails to lean on, his chest rising and falling with deep, controlled breaths. 

Danny came to stand beside him, every part of him wanting to rant and yell, to find out what was wrong, but he knew it he did that, if he went on the offensive, Steve would continue to shut him out. And it hurt, because Steve wasn’t being _Steve_ ; this Steve was too quiet, too fragile. It scared him. Made him feel helpless. 

“Talk to me,” Danny whispered.

Steve bowed his head. “I don’t have any answers for you.”

“I don’t need answers. I don’t even know the right questions. But something’s on your mind. You might not understand it, you might not even be able to articulate it, but it’s weighing on you. We don’t need to figure anything out.” Danny took his own steadying breath. “We can just talk.”

Steve’s arms shook, his back going ramrod straight. “I don’t want to talk.”

Danny nodded. He knew about not being able to verbalize what was inside your head, hell, he had no idea if Steve even knew how to articulate things. But keeping it all in, the constant compartmentalizing that Steve did day after day, year after year…, it festered, sucking the life out of you. 

Danny licked his lips. They were both tired. Drained. Steve had gone all One Man Army again, had done the impossible, taking out several men with nothing but a rope and skill. But he was flesh and bone, was bruised and aching. And also wired. Mentally and physically.

“Okay, we don’t have to talk,” Danny said, trying for calm. “What do you want to do?”

Steve looked up at him, contemplative, unsure. The frustration written all over his face. Steve shook his head then looked out at the waves. “I need to….”

Breathing hard, Steve took off his shoes and socks and started walking toward the waves. Danny didn’t miss a beat. 

He didn’t yell, didn’t chastise Steve for going toward the ocean when he was concussed; Danny did what needed to be done: he had Steve’s back. 

Chucking his own socks and shoes, Danny kept close as Steve wandered toward the slapping waves, kept within inches as Steve stood there with his eyes closed. Danny gnawed at his bottom lip, debating what to do next when Steve just…dropped on to the beach.

Danny sucked in a breath, pulse racing, but Steve was being efficient in only his way, sitting in the sand, water lapping over his pants, soaking down toward his waist. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Danny.”

The raw honesty, the fear, clawed at Danny’s heart. But Steve didn’t have to be the warrior all the time; he knew he could lower his shield in front of Danny. It was a gift, because Steve’s trust was sacred. 

Danny sat down beside him in the sand. “I know, babe. And I know that sucks, but sometimes we don’t know what’s going on. We just need to listen to ourselves. What’s been keeping you up at night?”

“M-mom,” Steve stuttered. Of course. Doris was wellspring of misery. “Freddie. Dad. Joe.” 

So much loss. Danny reached over and squeezed Steve’s arm. Steve stiffened, his breath hitching. “I…don’t know. I just…I can’t explain it. I have no idea what’s going on with me.”

“You don’t have to.”

The ocean soaked through Danny’s pants, splashing him, but he continued sitting there with Steve, being an anchor. 

“I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time. You know?” Steve looked over at Danny, aggravated. “My mind, it just keeps going and going and going. And I can’t shut it off. I used to be able to set up on a ridge overlooking an encampment, watching a target for days, not saying a word, my mind clear and focused on the mission, and now…I can’t even fall asleep at night without it filling up with thoughts and memories that I can’t control.”

“Our brains are funny places, especially yours.” Danny watched Steve in the darkness. “We cope and process things on different timetables. Maybe everything with your mom has caught up with you. Maybe you pushed it all away and now it’s finally re-surfacing.”

“Maybe,” Steve mumbled, looking away.

Probably. But Danny could feel Steve’s barriers being raised again, his silence signaling the end of the short-lived conversation. And that was the gist of it, the not talking, the avoiding and festering. Danny struggled at what to say to make it better, to offer hope, but sometimes there were never the right words. 

With a grunt, Steve rose to his feet, Danny following his lead. But instead of turning around to go inside, Steve started walking further into the ocean. 

Danny blinked. “Steve?”

When Steve didn’t answer, Danny followed. “What the hell are you doing?”

Steve moved deeper and crouched into the sea, bobbing with the waves. “It feels nice out here.”

Danny looked from the house to Steve. Was this a crisis moment; was Steve out of his mind? Could he drag a hundred- and eighty-pound Navy SEAL out of the water? 

But Danny knew the answer to that. He started wading deeper. “Most people would wait until the morning to take a swim, or at the very least remove their clothes. Maybe put on some swim trunks.”

“Sssssshh.”

Water splashed against Danny’s chest, soaking his shirt. “Did you just shush me?”

Steve reached over and tugged at Danny’s shirt sleeve. “Come listen with me.”

“You’re crazy, you know that? All I hear are ocean waves and the babbling of man who has a concussion. Only people with head injuries take an evening swim after almost dying.”

Steve floated up with the sway of the water. “Didn’t almost die.”

“On a scale of one to ten, today was a solid six on the almost dying chart.” 

Danny went with the ebb and flow of the ocean, taking solace that they weren’t that deep; they could stand up at any moment. He watched Steve, wondering what next? 

This wasn’t the craziest thing Steve had ever done, it wasn’t jumping on top of a moving truck, or flying a nuclear bomb over the ocean, this was far more surreal, a desperate last second escape. He licked salt-tinged lips. 

“Do you hear it?” Steve asked his voice barely audible over the water’s murmur.

Danny closed his eyes taking in the sound of the wind, the surf, the movement of air; and if he listened hard enough, Danny swore he heard Steve’s beating heart. “There’s a lot going on out here, want to narrow it down for me?”

“It’s peace, Danny.”

Danny wasn’t sure how much longer they should remain out here, or when the tide would change, but the one thing he did know, he would do whatever he could for the person next to him. If this was where Steve felt safe than Danny would remain with him all night if need be.

Floating closer to Steve, Danny bobbed along next to him, the water nice and warm. “Then let’s enjoy it for a little while longer.”

Because they needed to talk about this, about whatever drove Steve to seek the comfort of the ocean, but for right now, Danny conceded to Steve this moment. 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Steve stared at his mother as she pointed a gun at him. In the back of his mind, he calculated the odds of her pulling the trigger.

“I’ve got to get out of this life, Steve. I’ve got nothing to show for it after all my years with the agency. Nothing.” His mother trembled. “What was the point?”

Steve blinked and Carmen Lucia held Doris flush against her body, Glock 17 pointed at his mother’s head. 

He didn’t have a clear shot.

“Put down your weapon,” Lucia ordered. 

_No. Don’t do it_ a voice screamed in his head. _Never relinquish your position._ But against every instinct, Steve lowered his assault rifle, followed by his side arm, exposing himself, surrendering. 

Lucia held the advantage, Doris her hostage, Lucia’s weapon trained on Steve, the odds of success swinging wildly in the wrong direction.

“Now, you can watch each other die.”

Steve screamed as his mother was stabbed. He went to his knees, holding her.

Joe White stepped out from behind the shadows. “You see what you did, son? You gave up tactical advantage.”

Blood spilled between Steve’s fingers as he tried applying pressure to his mother’s wound. “I need help!”

“You failed to follow standard operating procedure, Steve,” Joe said. “Her death is on you.”

“No!” Steve jerked up his bed, his chest heaving, sweat running down his face.

A noise to his left startled him, and Steve jerked his head in the direction of the sound, his hand reaching toward the night side drawer.

“Whoa, it’s me. It’s Danny.”

Steve scooted up in bed until his back hit the wall, still searching for his service weapon. 

“Steve. Are you with me?”

_“I’ve actually had something good going on here and now you’ve destroyed it,” _Doris’s voice echoed inside Steve’s head.__

__He blinked at Danny, squinting in the darkness, recognizing his partner. Danny stood with his hands up, non-threatening._ _

__Steve lowered his outstretched arm before taking a shuddering breath. “I’m good.”_ _

__“Yeah, you sound it.”_ _

__Steve squeezed his eyes closed. His head was killing him._ _

__“I was just about to conduct my nightly concussion check when I heard you…you know.” Danny cleared his throat. “Do you –”_ _

__“No.” Steve didn’t want to talk about it. He rubbed his eyes with a groan. It felt like someone was drilling a hole into the back of his skull._ _

__“Want another ice pack?”_ _

__Steve looked at the melting one on his nightstand._ _

__“You can’t take anything on an empty stomach, so an icepack might be the best prescription for right now.”_ _

__Danny wandered out of the room before Steve could protest. He didn’t want Danny waiting on him. Hell, he didn’t want Danny _worrying_ about him. But that had been the case for weeks now. Steve causing Danny to fret, taking him away from his family, stressing him out. Steve was good at that. Causing others pain._ _

__Why did he always make the worst tactical decision when it counted the most? What kind of SEAL was he? Transporting Anton Hess. Turning down his dad’s offer to go to Thanksgiving dinner during one of his leaves to go to a training program instead. Surrendering his weapons._ _

__His head pounded. Steve tried tuning out the uncertainties. Special operators didn’t have doubts; their choices were made with sound judgment. He was the head of Five-O; his choice impacted lives. He made life and death decisions daily._ _

__“Steve?”_ _

__He looked up at Danny’s worried face. “Yeah?”_ _

__Danny gripped an icepack. “I asked you if you were okay.”_ _

__Steve hadn’t even noticed when Danny had returned to the room. “Yeah, fine.” He watched Danny study him with a frown. “Thanks for the ice.”_ _

__Danny wanted to say more, his frown deepened, but he must have decided against it. “Tomorrow’s Saturday. You should sleep in.”_ _

__“Yeah, I think I will.”_ _

__That was Steve’s hope._ _

* * *

__Sleep evaded him. Between his headache and non-stop thoughts, Steve felt worse in the morning than he did when he went to bed. He was sluggish, his body hurt. But crawling back into bed wouldn’t solve things so he made his way toward the kitchen in the hopes of drinking coffee._ _

__The aroma of bacon and eggs made him more awake._ _

__Danny was working over the stove, flipping eggs, turning to put them on a plate already piled high. “Oh, hey.” He turned off the burner and put the pan on the counter. “Hope you’re hungry.”_ _

__“Yeah, I am,” Steve said surprising himself._ _

__Grabbing a plate, Steve dumped eggs, bacon and some toast onto it. He wasted no time, standing around the kitchen island to eat._ _

__“How are you feeling?” Danny asked, pouring coffee into a mug._ _

__“Better.”_ _

__“Did you sleep any?”_ _

__“Enough.”_ _

__Danny leaned against his back the counter and sipped his coffee. “Crazy times yesterday, huh?”_ _

__Steve studied the remaining crumbs on his plate._ _

__“It’s not every day we chase after a lost treasure,” Danny continued._ _

__Steve moved toward the sink and washed his dish._ _

__“Or be forced to ride horses after the bad guys.”_ _

__Steve crossed his arms over his chest and faced Danny. “What are you getting at?”_ _

__Danny put his coffee down and stared at him in confusion. “I’m just having a conversation.”_ _

__“It was rough yesterday. I underestimated the number of suspects and it put us in a poor position.” Steve shook his head, pissed at himself. “We should have interrogated the scout more. That was a mistake and it we almost got overrun as a result.”_ _

__Danny’s eyebrows rose. “I was actually hinting about our little swim in the ocean. But obviously that isn’t where your mind is at.”_ _

__“If we don’t learn from our mistakes then we’re doomed to repeat them.” It was a lesson Steve still hadn’t learned after all these years._ _

__“Wow. First off, this is a much heavier topic than I expected for the morning and the last time I checked there were like five other members of the team there.”_ _

__“I’m the one who called the shots. Every result is my responsibility.”_ _

__“You, um, don’t own a crystal ball,” Danny said waving, his hand around. “And we don’t use drones or other types of recon. So, please don’t beat yourself up for not being psychic. If anything, I should be upset over you taking another insane risk. Because the last time I checked, rope is not classified as a weapon.”_ _

__“Anything can be made into a weapon, Danny.” Steve took his clean plate and put it in the cabinet. Taking on those assholes to keep his partner safe had been the only good decision he’d made yesterday. “Thanks for breakfast.”_ _

__“Steve.”_ _

__Leaving the kitchen, Steve searched for Eddie to take him out for a walk._ _

* * *

__Steve didn’t take Eddie far. He really wasn’t dressed, wearing only a t-shirt he’d thrown on and some shorts. He hadn’t even showered yet._ _

__Standing outside, he watched Eddie sniff at the neighbor’s bushes. Steve closed his eyes against the onslaught inside his head. He shouldn’t have walked out on Danny like that. And he sure as hell shouldn’t have expressed his doubts about engaging those suspects._ _

__How would Danny trust him in the field, if he knew that Steve harbored second thoughts about his actions when they were ambushed?_ _

__Second-guessing was a bad habit. It got people killed. And how often had Steve done that? Made choices that resulted in deaths of others. Loved ones. It was all part of the package, the burden of leadership, but it exacted a heavy toll._ _

__He breathed hard through his nostrils, tried forcing all the toxic thoughts out of his head._ _

___Danny._ He’d been living with Steve for a couple of months now. How long before he got tired of it all and left? Steve wouldn’t fault him of course. His chest tightened. Danger magnet. Wasn’t that what Steve was to everyone he loved?_ _

__Steve breathed in and out to slow his thumping heartbeat. Hell. Had he done the right thing when selling the restaurant to Kamekona? Did he push Danny toward more danger when the hardest decisions could have been what they should serve on the weekly menu?_ _

__No more blood-covered crime scenes or late-nights hunting down suspects. Danny had seemed excited about not retiring, as enthusiastic as Steve had been. Steve counted in head, tried hushing the nagging guilt._ _

__He heard the soft whines from Eddie, felt him circle Steve’s legs. Great. Now he was freaking out the dog._ _

__Steve crouched down and rubbed at the back of Eddie’s ears. “It’s okay. Yeah? Everything’s going to be okay.”_ _

__“Don’t you need this to take him for a walk?” Steve looked up as Danny came over, leash in hand._ _

__Steve patted Eddie’s flank. “Yeah. Maybe after I shower and shave.”_ _

__Eddie whined._ _

__“You forgot these.”_ _

__Steve took the Advil bottle from Danny’s hand, waiting for the inevitable next conversation about his state of mind to start. But Danny didn’t push him about this morning, or Steve’s actions late last night, like walking into the ocean without forethought. Danny had just stood there, patient and comforting. It made Steve feel like a jerk._ _

__“Thank you,” Steve said, accepting the bottle. “Again.”_ _

__“Sure. No problem.”_ _

__“I’m probably going to go back to bed. Maybe take a nap.”_ _

__“Take all the time in the world, babe.”_ _

__Steve lingered for a moment, wondering if there was more to Danny’s words, more to everything that Danny did when it came to Steve these days. But he was doubtful given his habit of over-thinking of late._ _

__Danny held up the leash. “I’ll go take Eddie around the block while you sleep.”_ _

__Steve nodded, taking the pills with him, hoping rest would help clear his head._ _

* * *

__Sleep didn’t come for him. Steve couldn’t remember when his insomnia had returned. He’d battled the beast off and on the last ten years, sleepless nights spiking after a partially bad case or event._ _

__When his mom died—again—he’d had an especially rough patch, but after a couple of months things had eased. It didn’t make sense. Why now? What was going on inside his head? He wanted it to stop._ _

__After showering and changing, he walked onto the landing, pausing when he heard voices coming from the living room._ _

__“Trigger? No, I don’t think so. At least, nothing that I’ve noticed,” Junior said._ _

__“No phone calls or random buddies showing up? Anything out of the ordinary?” Danny asked._ _

__“Nothing that I can tell.” Junior moved around. “I don’t know, he’s been doing okay. You’ve been with him more than me the last couple of weeks.”_ _

__Danny chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve noticed you haven’t been around as much.”_ _

__Steve imagined Junior blushing at the implication._ _

__Steve purposely walked toward the stairs with heavy footfalls. “Yo,” he called out as he came down._ _

__“Hey,” Junior answered._ _

__Danny waved at the back of his own head. “Hey. How’s the….”_ _

__“You know how it goes. Headache’s going to linger for a while.”_ _

__“I brought tacos home.” Junior pointed at the bag on the coffee table. “Saved some for you.”_ _

__“From Ono’s?”_ _

__“Of course.”_ _

__Taking a seat on the sofa, Steve pulled out a few of them. After adding more salsa and hot sauce, Steve dug in. He noticed Danny was fiddling with one of the paper napkins. There were crumpled taco wrappers beside an empty plate next to a beer bottle._ _

__Junior grabbed the remains of his food and walked toward the kitchen. “I’m gonna check on my laundry.”_ _

__His partners were not as subtle as they thought. Steve finished his first taco and waited._ _

__“So,” Danny began. “As you may know, Grace has spring break coming up and I was going to fly out there on Monday to visit her for a week.”_ _

__“Yeah, I approved the time off.”_ _

__“True, and I was thinking. Why don’t you come with? Grace would love to see you and it would be fun to get away.”_ _

__Warmth filled Steve’s chest. The hair along his arms stood on end. “You want me to go with you?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Danny grinned, shifting in his seat. “I mean, you’d have to be a passenger and not be all antsy because you aren’t flying the plane.”_ _

__Steve sat back in thought, his good mood fading quickly. He sighed. “I don’t have the time off.”_ _

__“What do you mean? You’re the boss, just sign the form.”_ _

__“Actually, the governor _is_ my boss, and she won’t.”_ _

__Danny sat back, disappointed. “Steve….”_ _

__“I used up all my personal time when I took leave to go to Mexico.”_ _

__“That was months ago.”_ _

__Steve was a state employee; he did not accrue paid time off when he wasn’t working. “And I’ve taken a few days here and there since then. I don’t have any more.”_ _

__“I’m sure the governor would make an exception.”_ _

__But as much as Steve enjoyed the idea of going on a trip with Danny, the rest of him didn’t have the energy needed to pretend he would be having a good time. The idea of having to fake sleep, normalcy, to have to be on guard 24-7 while being out in the world, not involved with a case…. It made his gut twist._ _

__Although maybe this was what he needed? To get away, except instead of going to the mainland, he would just keep going, far, far away. But then Steve would be just running away from his problems. And he was just so damn tired._ _

__“Wow. It hurts me watching you think so hard.”_ _

__“I’m sorry. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”_ _

__Danny wasn’t having any of it. “See, this is where you’re wrong. It’s great idea. You need a vacation.”_ _

__Did he? No, he needed to stay busy._ _

__“Don’t over analyze this,” Danny asked, his eyes beseeching. “Just go with it. Improvise.” He gave a weak laugh. “You’re good at that.”_ _

__“Thanks for the offer. I appreciate it.” Steve’s heart sank, but he couldn’t do it, his voice wavered. “Tell Gracie that I love her when you see her.”_ _

__Danny sat onto the edge of the loveseat, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it. “Steve, don’t rush this. I don’t have to have an answer right now.”_ _

__“You fly out on Monday.” And it hurt, but Steve wasn’t going to bring the people he loved into this thing he couldn’t explain. Into his paralysis of emotion. “It’s okay. I’m fine.” He offered a lame smile. “I’ll Skype with you guys.”_ _

__Obvious disappointment weighing him down, Danny stood up, his shoulders tense. “Yeah. Okay. If you change your mind…you know where I live.”_ _

__Steve watched him go toward the back of the house and the lanai. Steve told himself that this was for the best; he didn’t want to weigh the people he loved down with his issues. He’d figure things out, he always had._ _

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Visiting his daughter was something Danny used to get through the grueling days: kidnappings, murder, cases that stripped away your humanity. He began a mental countdown starting right after their last trip, months winding down to weeks then days. He lived for his time with Grace; even though she was all grown up she was his baby girl.

Yet during the flight to the mainland, dread filled inside his head. The ill ease set up shop inside his chest and continued to grow, weighing him down. 

Texting helped. 

Just landed, he typed.

_Then why are you talking to me? Go hang out with Grace._

And he did. His daughter took him out for lunch when he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be eating breakfast or dinner—although the weird quiche thing Grace insisted was the most awesome meal in the world was not worth the twenty-minute wait for a table.

His cell vibrated. 

_Where did you hide the good mustard?_

It’s in the fridge.

_No, that’s the spicy brown. I want the good stuff._

Danny rolled his eyes. 

For what?

_For dinner._

Danny looked up at Grace’s smile. “Your Uncle Steve does not have good pallet for food pairings.”

The good stuff is 15 a bottle and you’re not putting that on a bologna sandwich, he rattled off in his reply. 

The fact that Steve didn’t reply told him all he needed.

* * *

Even after a five hours flight and food, Danny didn’t complain when Grace wanted to go shopping. Jetlag be damned.

“Doesn’t mom give you an allowance?” he asked. One with a bigger budget.

“Come on, Dad, this place is having a sale.”

“Every place does. They mark up everything then put it on sale. It’s a scam.”

He would never grow tired of his daughter rolling her eyes at him.

Danny checked his phone. It should have been dinner time by now. Except he not heard from Steve in hours. 

Fine. He’d reached out first. 

Hey. What are you and Junes up to?

_Nothing. He’s with Tani._

Which meant Steve was alone. Which was fine, Steve was a grown man, but he hadn’t been in a good headspace of late. And still had a concussion.

Danny tried small talk, but Steve wasn’t very receptive, answering only minutes later, his responses one or two words. 

Danny switched gears, texting Junior. 

Hey, where are you?

_Grabbing dinner with Tani then going over to the house._

Oh. Cool. Danny replied, feeling mildly better. 

_Don’t worry. Wasn’t going to leave the boss on his own. Got his six._

Not that Danny should worry, was left unsaid. 

While Junior had not shared his concern about Steve with Danny, he’d at least acknowledge that Steve hadn’t been his normal self. Junior was a good kid, indulging Danny when it came to Steve. He was probably relived Danny hadn’t hired another stress counselor but to be honest, Danny would have felt better if he’d had.

By the time he and Grace had returned to her apartment, Danny was dead on his feet.

“Uncle Chin bought one of those really nice air mattresses. Like, it’s nicer than my own bed. Why don’t you get some sleep?”

Danny looked around the tiny one-bedroom. “What about you?” 

“I’ll be in my room face-timing with friends. It’s not too late and if you get up early, we’ll have breakfast. I have an early class. I’m used to it.”

Danny opened his arms wide. “Come here.” With a grin, Grace accepted the hug with vigor. “When did you grow up so fast?”

* * *

Tuesday was a whirl wind. They went shopping. Again. It was a pattern of subtle manipulation that Danny was okay with. Spending his money was followed by walking around more shops, lunch, then time at some art exhibit where Grace tried to explain to him about the finer points of dots and lines.

He tried not to yawn. Or check his phone too many times. There were no text messages.

Danny did his best not to imagine the worst-case scenario. Steve had budget meetings all day. He was busy. He debated texting Junior, then changed his mind about reaching out to Tani.

If anything were wrong, his team would have reached out. Then he remembered finding about the assassination attempt at Steve’s house a few days _after_ the fact, and his imagination was off to the races.

Nothing. No response to any of Danny’s attempts to reach out. 

And nothing after dinner.

Finally, after maybe his sixth text, his phone buzzed. Danny pulled it out of his pocket so fast he almost dropped it on the floor. 

_Sorry I haven’t responded. It’s been a long day._

Danny sank into the sofa in relive. 

Want to talk about it?

_Nothing to talk about. Everything is fine. Say hi to Grace._

Really? After all the effort of trying to reach him? 

What about those Skype chats? Danny typed. 

_Maybe tomorrow._

Danny stared at the screen, annoyed, worried…basically tied-up in knots. God, why couldn’t he just feel and think like a normal human being when it came to one Steve McGarrett?

* * *

Danny woke up in the middle of the night to a nagging feeling only to discover there was a text waiting. Rubbing at his eyes, he squinted against the light from his phone. It was sent at 3am island time.

_I miss you. Sorry I haven’t been sociable. Take Gracie to the Aquarium at the Bay for me._

Something inside Danny’s chest tightened and he tried really hard to ignore it.

* * *

He did take Grace to the Aquarium—a huge complex of education exhibits, soothing music, and fish, ending in a demonstration about stingrays. Danny enjoyed it for the most part, although he missed hearing Steve talk animatedly about turtles or sharks, watching his face beam at every fact and figure like a kid in the candy store. 

God, he just missed Steve.

After the Aquarium they headed up back to Grace’s. He still shook his head at how small it was; then again, dorm rooms were cramped. But she’d made it her own with art and posters and lots of plants. This was San Francisco, so it was bright and sunny. 

He sat on her thrift store sofa while she flipped through the Netflix menu on her phone. There was no need to check; it hadn’t vibrated once. Not since the late night _I miss you_ text. 

Danny wasn’t trying to be a pain, but he wasn’t the one who was acting so…so _unlike_ himself. He started fidgeting.

“Dad. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing honey. I’m sorry. Show me the video again.”

Grace looked from her phone back to Danny. “You’ve been distracted all day. Are you thinking about a case or Uncle Steve?” She _hmmm_ under her breath he didn’t reply right away. “Uncle Steve, huh?”

“Am I that transparent?”

“Yeah.” Grace put her phone away and pulled her legs onto the sofa. “What’s going on with Uncle Steve? You said he was coming, but then he canceled.”

“He didn't want to come. Not because he doesn’t want to see you, he just…he’s not feeling himself.”

“Is he sick?”

“No. He’s physically fine. It’ just…you know, he’s been gone through a lot lately.”

She considered him with a thoughtful expression. “His mom died, right?”

In spectacular, traumatic fashion. Danny felt that dread again. “That’s part of it.”

“They weren’t close, though. I mean, she was never around?”

“It’s complicated.” As was everything when it came to Steve. 

Grace looked down at her feet before meeting his eyes again. “Was he there…when it happened?”

It was an odd question coming from his daughter. He swallowed. “Yeah, he was.”

“My friend from high school, Claire. Her dad died from a heart attack when she was in tenth grade. It was hard on her. She was never really the same, even when she was a senior; there was this… _sadness_ that seemed to follow her around.” 

Danny wasn’t sure what broke his heart more: that he couldn’t remember Claire, or that he could have done better helping Steve after Doris’s death instead of the song and dance they often did after a huge event. 

Although, he did move in with him, Danny tried consoling himself. That was supposed to help. He bit down on his lip.

“I learned about grief in my psychology class. My professor talked about how there’s no timeline for it. And you know, you and Uncle Steve have gone through lot together. I’m actually surprised one of you hasn’t already...,” Grace looked away. 

“What?”

“You know.” She shrugged. “Had a nervous breakdown or something.”

Danny’s eyebrows shot up. “I’m glad you’ve had such faith in our mental health.”

“I know you’ve hidden stuff from me, so I’m sure I only know half of the things you’ve been through.”

Grace looked disappointed and Danny took her hand. “You are my daughter and I will do anything to protect you.”

“I’m not ten anymore. You can talk to me when something really bothers you.”

“I know that. And I do.”

“Really?” Lord, she sounded like Rachel. 

Danny squared his shoulders, he might not have been prepared for this conversation, but he wanted his daughter to trust him. “Yes, really.” Words still didn’t come easy. “I wish Steve was here and he’s not. I know he’s hurting, and I don’t know what to do for him.”

“Have either of you ever been to therapy?”

“Whoa, that’s personal.” 

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do.” Danny ran his fingers through his hair. “Yes, I have. Once after your mom and I got divorced. And, um, Steve and I went through…partner's therapy.”

“Really?”

Danny tried his best not to get so annoyed at how bemused his daughter seemed. “Yes, really.”

“Does that mean that you and Uncle Steve still see them?”

Danny looked away. 

“Someone shot you two years ago. And it wasn’t the first time.” Danny squeezed her hand, listening as his heart pounded. “And your ex-partner kidnapped me…and people have taken Uncle Steve before…,” Grace took a shaky breath. “Then there was the liver transplant. A lot of bad things have happened to our family. I just think that maybe...you know...you should talk to a professional. So, should Uncle Steve.”

“Come here.” Danny pulled Grace into one of the fiercest hugs ever. “I’m so sorry you’ve been through all these bad things. I’m so sorry.”

“Seeing someone helps, Danno. It’s helped me; it could help you and Steve.”

* * *

Danny couldn’t sleep, not after being slapped in the face in realizations of every trauma he’d put his baby girl through. All the horrible stuff she’s had to cope with over the years, having seen at least two therapists. And the fact that she was the smartest young woman on the planet to see through all his and Steve’s issues.

He checked his phone: no messages. 

Wiping at the moisture in his eyes, Danny texted Steve. 

I miss you too, you big dope.

* * *

The next few days he and Steve texted, but it was sporadic. Odd. Anytime Danny was on vacation, they texted at least a few times a day, but this time he could feel Steve’s mood, the low engagement rate, the random messages when Steve should be sound asleep late at night.

It was like a neon sign, begging for help. 

It made for the rest of his vacation feel like a rollercoaster ride. He did his best not to allow it to take his attention away from Grace, but it for some surreal reason it allowed them to bond more. Have semi-adult conversation that would normally freak him out. 

While Danny didn’t divulge many details during some of their late-night conversations, it felt good to share things, to allow his daughter in, to be closer as father and daughter.

* * *

_Hirsh broke into the house. Can you believe the gall of this guy?_

That was not the text message Danny had been expecting when he woke up.

_I’d ground Eddie if I thought he would understand the punishment._

Maybe try locking the doors for once, Danny replied. 

The exchange felt normal. _Them._ But afterward came more silence throughout the rest of the day. 

Tani didn’t have much insight to add since she got stuck helping Hirsh. Junior finally replied a few hours later to some of Danny’s messages, only saying that he and Steve had caught a carjacking case.

Well, Danny’s flight left in the morning; maybe he could give a hand if they still needed it.

* * *

He missed Grace as soon as he stepped on the plane, his heart swelling at such an eye-opening visit, pride filling some of the emptiness inside his chest. 

“Tell Steve I love him,” Grace had whispered in his ear when they hugged goodbye. “And talk to him, Danno. Like we talked.”

The ride from the airport was long and arduous. It was already early evening and Danny was both hungry and anxious.

He hadn’t expected the whole team hanging out when he got home, nor the fact that Hirsh was semi-drunk while finishing the rest of Danny’s wine. The bottle he’d saved for a special occasion. 

While Lou and Hirsh belly-laughed at some joke, Danny spotted Junior and Tani cozy-upped in the corner, each with a beer in hand.

“Hey.”

“Hey, welcome back.” Tani gave him a hug. “How was San Fran?”

“Still full of hippies.” Danny looked around. “Where’s Steve?”

Junior took a swig of his beer. “I think he’s still in the garage. The carjacking case ended with a standoff. Think the boss wanted some me time.”

Standoff could have been ten million scenarios, but based on the festive mood, it was probably just another day that ended in Y.

Wandering into the back of the house, Danny made his way into the garage, trying to decide how to approach Steve. Maybe Danny could persuade him to take a few beers down to the lanai. It’d been a long day for them both; maybe talking could wait until morning. Perhaps just chilling after a case and long flight were in order. Sleep and relaxation were always a great recipe for discussions, at least for _normal_ people.

He did not expect to see Steve pacing like a panther trapped inside a cage. “Hey.”

Steve froze in place, jerking his head in Danny’s direction, surprise registering in his eyes. “Hey.”

It wasn’t the most warm and fuzzy greeting.

“What’s up? You trying and failing to repair this hunk of chunk again?” 

Steve crossed his arms over his chest. Okay, perhaps jabbing at a sore spot wasn’t the best way to say hello. “I’m sorry. I’m jetlagged.” Danny studied Steve’s tense shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

Steve shook his head. “Nothing.”

Nope, they were not going down the same road as before. 

“That’s not a nothing look. Come on. It’s just you and me.” Danny noticed the Champ box open. That was a bad sign. “Thinking about your dad?”

“Yeah. I just…you know…. Wanted to hear his voice again.”

Danny saw the tape recorder on the work bench, could hear the thickness in Steve’s tone. He was always surrounded by ghosts in this house. “And did it help?”

“No.” Steve rubbed at his temple, a tick when he was stressed. “I mean…I was listening to one of his tapes before I got this phone call.” And Steve just rolled his eyes and snorted, like he’d just had enough with the world. “It was from some attorney. He’s travelling from London to here just to hand deliver me a package.” Steve released a heavy breath. “From Doris.”

And the penny dropped. Doris McGarrett torturing her son from beyond the grave. Danny wanted to just grab Steve and take him far away from here. 

“Did he say what was in the package?” Danny asked. 

“No.”

Of course not. More mind games.

“And when is he dropping it off?”

“In three days.”

“Okay. Well, that’s three days from now. We can’t do anything until it arrives, so why don’t you come out of your cave and have a beer with me and let’s not waste any more time thinking about things we can’t change.”

“Do you honestly think that will work?”

There it was a glimmer of the old Steve, always with a smart aleck remark. 

Danny walked over to the Champ box and closed it. Then he took Steve by the elbow and started guiding him away. “I have no idea, but that’s not going to stop me from trying.”

Steve reluctantly went with Danny, dragging his feet only a little. He smelled of car oil and stress, dark shadows framing his eyes, his body wound tighter than a bow.

The idea of talking to Steve about the last few months was thrown onto the backburner for now. Getting Steve to open up, to be frank and honest was not going to happen with Doris haunting them from the shadows. 

But that didn’t mean Danny was going to allow Steve to deal with this alone. He’d provide distractions and be there whenever this package arrived. Maybe, just _maybe_ , it could bring a little closure? 

Danny was doubtful of that last thought, but he wanted to think positive for once, not allow his usual doom and gloom to self-sabotage. 

Lord knew it was the only way the two of them would get through the next few days, and maybe after that, Danny could help them both turn to a fresh page in both their lives. Put the last year, no _years_ , behind them.

* * *

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using canon as a 'framework' for this story, this will divert in ways that we saw on screen.

* * *

During the last few weeks, Steve dreaded going to sleep. Every time it inched closer to bedtime, he got antsy. He’d tried running more, added laps in the ocean to wear himself out; Steve even drank all kinds of herbal tea to no avail. Beer and wine both made him tired, but neither put him out for the night. 

Sometimes he read, but the words took a backseat to an inner monologue that had nothing to do with what he was reading. Second guessing recent events or even things from a lifetime ago, one criticism after another, after another.

“Hey? The TV screen is in this direction.”

Steve blinked as Danny waved at the screen. He must have started zoning off. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“You picked this movie so you might want to watch it.”

Danny had that look, the same one he’d worn since returning from visiting Grace, an expression of worry and helplessness. Steve was responsible for the increased frowns and teeth gnashing, the reason why Danny hovered even more, his sense of protectiveness making Steve wish he would just crash already, give in and accept it. But then he’d want it even more, crave what he couldn’t have, and ruin one more thing in his life.

So, he kept Danny at a distance, even if it hurt him. 

“These scenes were filmed using one continuous shot,” Junior said, petting Eddie who was sacked out beside him. 

Reaching for his popcorn, Steve didn’t tell Junior he knew that already; it was one of the reasons why picked the movie. He just couldn’t pay it enough attention to appreciate it.

The screen filled with the sounds of battle. Steve watched, wishing he could enjoy the detail required to recreate such WWI scenes, but simply felt detached as bombs exploded among heavy trench warfare.

* * *

Steve couldn't pace in his bedroom knowing Danny was hyper-aware of it, Junior too. It made Steve feel even more on edge, trapped. 0100 hours and he was still wide awake. He rubbed his burning eyes, wishing he could just lay down in peace.

Instead he slumped against the headboard and stared into the darkness, shadows playing tricks on him, his eyelids closing against his accord….

“Don’t you want to say something?” His Uncle Joe asked.

The duffle shook in Steve’s hand as he stormed towards the front door. All he wanted to do was run down the street until his legs gave out. Run and scream and never look back. That would make his dad feel guilty, would get back at him for doing this, for abandoning him. Sending him to the Army/Navy school with Joe White.

He seethed as Uncle Joe moved in front of the door, blocking him.

No. He wouldn’t do what Joe wanted. Steve pulled himself tall, nostrils flaring, pain and anger boiling beneath his skin. 

“Son,” Uncle Joe said.

Steve felt his father’s presence behind him, waiting. But Steve kept his back toward him.

Uncle Joe crossed his arms. 

Tears streamed down Steve’s face. But Uncle Joe wouldn’t let him go, so Steve turned around, slowly, trying to hold back tears. McGarrett men didn’t cry. 

His father looked at him but didn’t say anything. Nothing. 

“Why?” Steve’s voice cracked and hated himself for allowing his father to see him like this.

“Steve.” His father stepped closer but stopped himself, not adding anything.

No. It wasn’t fair.

“You don’t have to do this!” Steve yelled. “Please.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.”

Steve shook his head, wiping at his face, his chest hurting. “No, you’re not. You don’t care at all.”

“Hey.” Uncle Joe snapped behind him. “You’ll speak to your father with respect.”

“It’s okay,” Dad said. “You’re just upset.”

Really? _Just_ upset? 

“You’re sending me away!” Steve was yelling now. “You sent Mare away.” 

It felt good to scream, to let it out, but his father didn’t flinch. He just stood emotionless, making Steve even angrier.

“I know it’s hard to understand,” his father said. “But this is for the best.”

It hurt so much. 

“You don’t care. You claim you do, but you don’t.”

His father looked to the floor and that was it, no more. He wasn’t going to change his mind. Mom was dead and his sister was living with Aunt Deb, and Steve—he was just another burden. 

“I hate you.” Steve grabbed his duffle and brushed by his father, stormed through the living room, the office and into the backyard. He took the long way around to Uncle Joe’s car. He didn’t care if Uncle Joe was pissed, didn’t care if his father was mad. Steve didn’t care at all.

Tears streamed down Steve’s face as his bedroom swam into view. His body shook as he cried for his father, and for Joe, and for every word he’d ever regretted.

* * *

He sleep-walked through breakfast, eating the food, but not tasting it. Listening to Danny and Junior talk without paying attention to what they were saying.

Steve nodded and smiled when it felt appropriate, cleaned up the house, petted Eddie. 

He wanted to go for a run even while Danny tried to talk to him, giving him those soft expressions, touching Steve on the shoulder. On the arm. Steve laced up his shoes, thinking about which trail to go on when his phone rang.

It was Duke. They had a new case.

* * *

A bank robbery and an art heist gone bad took up the next couple of days. Providing distractions. It was like he could feel his mother’s presence, lingering over him. 

He spoke to suspects, tracked down leads with Lou, did all the paperwork with Tani. Sometimes he caught one of his teammates watching him with a frown when they thought he wasn’t looking.

He still didn’t sleep, and he couldn’t pace or go for a jog in the middle of the night without fear of attracting more unwanted attention. It made him want to crawl out of his skin.

Steve remembered when he could run on days, if not weeks on little sleep, surviving on adrenaline and stamina. But now, his reserves were running low and he was on week two—or was it three?—with poor rest.

It wasn’t like he was _avoiding_ Danny; it was that he just didn’t know how to talk to him. Not when his brain felt this wired and his body so ridiculously worn. 

He rearranged his home office, throwing away files, purging supplies. He pulled out an old business card and stared at the name printed across it.

Dr. Alex Moreland. He was therapist at Tripler, the one who’d run the vet support group Steve had attended years ago, when it was Freddie’s face haunting his nightmares.

Steve wondered if the group still met during the same days of the week. He crunched the card in his hand. He should call; find out if he could drop by. He hesitated, not knowing why. There wasn’t a reason not to. 

Maybe…Steve opened his hand and unfolded the card, looking at the number.

“Hey, there you are.”

Steve crumbled it again and stuck it in his pants pocket. He looked up at Danny. “Hey.”

Danny looked around the room. “Guess he’s not here yet?”

The lawyer and his damn package. All Steve wanted was for the guy to show up and get things over with. 

“No. He um, said maybe around noon.”

Danny looked at his watch. “Okay, that’s in a couple of hours. I’ve got to run by Charlie’s school and drop something of there. I really hate to, but he left his art project at home and Rachel can’t—”

“It’s fine, Danny. Don’t worry.” 

“I’ll be back before then.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Yes, I do.”

Danny looked at Steve like he’d jump over the moon for him and deep-down Steve knew he would. He hated not being able to talk to him, have the sit-down Danny had been hinting at since his trip from San Fran. But ever since that lawyer had called, it was like all of Steve’s thoughts had turned to sludge.

“Go ahead,” Steve encouraged. “Go grab Charlie’s painting.”

Danny did that thing where he looked like he didn’t want to leave, like he was abandoning Steve. But there wasn’t a chance in hell that Danny Williams would ever do anything to hurt him. Steve needed to acknowledge that more.

* * *

Danny called about getting tied-up in traffic. It took Steve a moment to realize why Danny was upset…because he wasn‘t there. Wasn’t there when the lawyer dropped off the letter. Wasn’t there when Steve stared at the slip of paper as his brain went a million miles a second.

His mom sent him a fucking cipher. Not a letter, not a key to all those unanswered questions, not memento or even…an _I’m sorry, I love you son._ It was more spy craft. 

He wanted to burn it, throw it away and never see it again. Instead he stuffed it in his pocket, got into his truck, and pressed his foot to the accelerator. He kept driving through traffic, around one of the state parks. Just drove. 

That was until he went toward Punchbowl, toward his father.

It didn’t take long to find the grave; he knew it’s location by heart. 

“I don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t know what to think...my head’s so screwed up. I…I’ve always found my way, always knew what to do. But now…. Dad, I just feel so…empty.”

Steve looked to the sky, kneeling beside his father, knees pressing into the earth. His body shook. “Mom, she’s gone _again_ , she left and she…I’m not even sure if she loved me. _Us_ …I don’t know anything anymore.”

Because Doris had one last chance, one from beyond the grave to give him… _something._

He didn’t know how long he stayed with his dad, minutes. An hour? But he recognized a familiar engine sound, knew deep in his bones who it would be.

Danny walked toward him as Steve moved toward a near-by bench to sit. 

God, was he really this tired? Steve nodded at his partner. “How did you find me?”

“I’m a cop.”

Steve stared at him like he knew better than try to pull one over on him.

“I, um, pinged your phone. We got something.”

Steve sank heavily onto the bench. “We’ve always got a case, don’t we?” he muttered.

“You all right?” Danny asked. 

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

Danny was perceptive, Steve knew better than to beat around the bush. He showed Danny what the lawyer had delivered. 

There wasn’t much to study. It didn’t take Danny long to review it. “Why would your mother send you a coded cipher?”

Steve sat further into the bench. No more. Just no more. “I don’t know. And to be honest, I don’t really care.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Ten years. A decade. Too long. 

“After everything that woman put us through…all the lies. The games.” Because Danny had been with him through every moment, thick and thin. Every rollercoaster ride. Warning Steve about Joe, about Doris, always walking on the side of caution when Steve was willing to jump off the nearest cliff. “I just want to be done with it. The last thing I really need is another mystery.”

“I know you, though. You won’t be able to let this go.”

Would he? Steve looked at Danny, watching his eyes, his expressions. “What do you think?”

“Let me ask you this. Why did you come here? Why today?”

“I woke up thinking about Dad. I’ve been thinking about him a lot.” Steve looked at Danny. “Did you know it’s been ten years?”

“Ten years.” Danny looked down at his hands. “That’s a long time.”

And like the previous few days, Danny looked like he wanted to say more, push things. Steve wouldn’t fight him anymore. “Maybe I’m just feeling a little lost right now.”

“It's all right. You don’t always have to know everything.” Danny looked out at the grave sites. “You’ve been feeling pretty low for a while.”

“Yeah.”

“This is where I would ask if you wanted to talk about it, knowing you’ll dodge and weave.”

He didn’t. And that was the crux of it all. 

Steve sighed. “I don’t know how to explain things. I just….” He leaned back in thought. “Okay, so there was this case when you were visiting Grace? This carjacking.”

“Yeah, I heard about it.”

“There was a standoff with the vic. She’d gone after the suspects who killed her husband.” Not that Cynthia was completely innocent, but that was beside the point. “I needed to end things without more bloodshed.”

Danny nodded, listening.

“And I told her I understood what she was feeling, that need for revenge, the need to make things even in the universe.” Steve swallowed. “The pain of loss and needing to feel… _whole_ again.” Steve shook his head. “We both know that emotion all too well, Danny. And it’s not _normal_ to empathize like that. “

“I know.”

Of course, Danny knew; he’d walked the same path as Steve. With Reyes. For Steve himself at times. Who knew how many other times?

And it was awful, connecting like that with victims. Knowing their pain, their rage.

“Maybe you should take a break. I can go to the crime scene by myself.”

Hell no. 

Steve began to stand. “It’s okay; I’ll come with.”

Danny laid a hand on his shoulder. “You need some time.”

Steve froze. “Time for what?”

“Babe.”

The cipher started burning a hole in his pocket. 

“Steve, I think you need to—”

Steve’s phone buzzed. Then Danny’s. There was always another distraction. 

“Steve.” Danny ignored his phone. “Please. We’ve been dancing around this for too long. You need… _we_ need to talk.”

The phone kept buzzing. 

Conflict and pain flashed across Danny’s face. “Look. You and I…we’re going to make plans.” He squeezed Steve’s arm. “You are not alone in this. Do you understand? I’m right here.”

“Yeah.” He believed Danny. Steve could always count on him to have his back. “Okay.”

Danny patted Steve’s arm. “Let me see about the case we just pulled. Then tonight…tonight we’ll talk. And Steve? No more avoiding this. Okay? This is happening.”

Dread filled the inside of his chest. But when was the last time he’d ever backed down from a fight? “Yeah, okay. We’ll talk tonight. I promise.”

“Good. That’s good. Now, go take the rest of the day. I have a good feeling about his, okay? Ten years is a long time. You’re bound to turn the page. We’ll do it together.” Danny rubbed Steve’s arm, his eyes, so honest and raw. “I…love ya.”

Hearing those words from Danny always did amazing things to his heart. 

“Love you, too.”

And damn it, Steve really meant it. He always had.

* * *

Walking back toward his truck, his phone rang again. He almost ignored it, but noticed it was from Junior.

“Hey, man, what’s—”

 _“Someone…someone just broke into the house.”_ Junior panted over the phone as he moved. _“They were ransacking your office.”_

“What?” Steve started running toward his truck. “Are you all right?”

_“Fine. But the suspects got away. I’m calling it in.”_

Even though Junior didn’t phrase it as question, Steve knew he was still waiting for permission. “Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Shoving the phone away, Steve mentally went over possible motives for a break-in. His mother’s parting gift started to feel like some type of ticking bombing.

* * *

A/N

Oh, Muse. It took10k words just to create the foundation, and ultimately, _begin_ writing the type of coda I've had in mind. :) But Steve and Danny deserve it.


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

Steve arrived at the house; Junior met him outside before he’d even shut the door to the truck.

“Sir. There was a single Asian male, in his early thirties. Caught him in your office.”

Steve hurried inside, studying the remaining evidence of a fight. The TV was knocked over, the coffee table was in the wrong place. He scanned Junior for any visible signs of injury. “You sure you’re good?”

Junior breathed hard, obviously pissed at not being able to catch the suspect. “Fine, sir.” Clenching his jaw, he stared at the destruction in the living room then back toward the office area. “What do you think he was after?”

“This.” Steve pulled out Doris’ latest mind game and handed it to Junior. “Got it this morning.”

“Your mother sent you a cipher?”

Junior’s genuine confusion was such a kick to the gut. Steve’s life was like a damn convoluted plot to an HBO drama. How much of his life had been changed and influenced by the motivations of one person? How many hours and days’ worth of energy were wasted in grief and anger? 

_“And for what, Steve?”_ He tried blocking out his mother’s angry voice. 

Shaking his head to get rid of the memory, Steve started to pull his phone out of his pocket to call Lou when it buzzed. It was Danny.

_“Steve. I’ve got a crazy tale on me and they’re not being discreet at all.”_

Steve’s heart thudded against his ribcage. “Where are you? Send me your location.” He put it on speaker and smacked Junior on the shoulder.

Danny told him the closet intersection, his voice getting more intense. 

“We’re coming to you,” Steve said, running back outside toward his truck. “Hang tight!”

Gunfire erupted in the background. 

Steve flung open the driver-side door. “Danny! Where are you?”

Danny’s voice was drowned out by a hail of bullets then silence as the phone went dead.

Steve was behind the wheel, Junior beside him as he peeled out. Junior relayed the situation to HPD as Steve burned through the streets to find Danny. 

“Danny!” he kept repeating into the phone to no avail. Horns honked at him as he pushed the speed of his truck to its limits. Steve didn’t care. He only saw obstacles on the road to his target and nothing would get in his way.

Junior didn’t say a word as Steve crossed over a medium to get around a semi-truck. 

“We’re only two minutes way,” Steve said, swerving around a Buick. “Come on, come on.”

And then he saw it a few meters way. The Camaro was on fire. 

Steve slammed on the breaks and jumped out of the truck. “Danny!”

He didn’t think, he just reacted. Searching for Danny among the flames, trying to reach him in the driver’s seat. _Danny, Danny, Danny._ God, where was he? Heat singed his arm, hot and searing, but there was no one to grab, to rescue.

The sound of the fire extinguisher filled his ears as Steve stared, stock-still at the remains of the car. 

Danny was gone.

* * *

The whole team was waiting. Tani and Lou had traffic cam footage on the screen by the time Steve and Junior arrived at HQ. Adam and Quinn were glued to the screen while Lou filled them in.

“Looks like two vehicles. We’re looking at other cameras to see if we can track where they went.”

But all Steve could see was Danny being taken, a black hood shoved over his head and manhandled into another car. Someone dared to kidnap him in broad daylight. Steve balled up his hands into fists.

Steve was on the phone with the Chief of Police, with the local Feds, even the head of fucking traffic to locate Danny. They had BOLOS out, roadblocks, every beat cop and detective was on this because there was only one case now. 

He started pacing, thinking of favors to pull, spy satellites he could use. _What else, what else?_

Lou had grabbed him from his office, showing Steve the last known footage of the suspects when Steve’s cell phone rang. 

He was expecting a call from the Governor. “McGarrett.”

_“It’s finally good to hear your voice, Commander McGarrett. I have something you want.”_

This was it, the ransom call. Switching it to speaker, Steve put his phone down for the rest of the team to hear. Sweat beaded along his brow, he listened for any tell-tale sign of locations, anything over the roaring of blood pounding inside his ears. 

“Who is this?”

_“My name is Daiyu Mei. I believe you knew my husband…Wo Fat.”_

It felt like he’d been hit with a sledgehammer. He couldn’t breathe. Wo Fat’s wife had Danny? Steve blinked, trying to process. The man who spent the last years of his life trying to destroy Steve, a man obsessed and twisted with the need for vengeance, _his wife_ , another sociopath with the same taste for violence, had Danny.

Steve felt bile rise in the back of throat. Lou stared at the phone before looking over at Adam, the two of them looking as gut punched as Steve felt. _They all knew._ Knew the stakes had been raised to the highest level. 

His mind raced in horror at what this woman was capable of. “ _You_ have Danny?”

_“Correct. In fact, it seems we each have something the other person wants. I have the person you care the most about in the world. And you have something that is rightfully mine.”_

Steve didn’t understand. “W-what do I have that’s rightfully yours?”

_“The cipher. Deliver it to me and Detective Williams lives.”_

It was like a case study in extortion and kidnapping; Steve followed every fucking beat of the drum. “And how do I know he’s okay?” Demand proof of life, no exceptions.

Daiyu Mei moved based on the noise coming from the phone. Then she switched to video mode as her voice echoed in the background. _“Detective Williams. Here are your friends. They’re concerned for you safety.”_

He steeled himself for the worse, but it still didn’t prepare him for how bad it was. Danny swam into view, his hands held by rope tied to the ceiling, his busted-up body swinging in view, Tani’s _oh God_ coming from Steve’s right.

“Whatever she wants you to do Steve, don’t do it,” Danny said between bloody lips. “Don’t give her anything.”

It felt like time had stopped and he could feel his breath inhale and exhale from his nostrils, feel the way his blood pumped from his heart into his veins. He wet his lips, calculating which words to use.

_“So, do we have a deal, Commander? Don’t repeat the same mistakes with you father. Don’t allow a loved one to die because of your stubbornness.”_

It felt like a knife had been shoved inside his chest, the blade twisting back and forth inside his heart. Steve stared at the phone wanting nothing more than to toss it against the wall. “Tell me where you want the trade to go down.” 

She rattled off an address. _“Come alone, Commander. Do exactly as I say, or your friend dies. If I see a member of your team, a sign of S.W.A.T. He dies. If you try to pull and tricks, Detective Williams dies.”_

The phone call ended, and Steve found himself leaning against the console, eyes glued to where the image of Danny had been before. Danny, who’d been badly beaten. Danny, who hung from ropes that forced all the weight to pull on his shoulders and arms, a stress position Steve knew all too well. Danny, who’d been kidnapped because of his association with Steve. Because of a damn blood feud that had begun years ago. A feud that had caused nothing but death and pain.

“Steve?”

“What?” Steve growled, looking up.

Lou moved into his line of sight. “I’ve called your name three times.”

Steve stared from Lou to the blank screen.

“Steve,” Lou said softer. “What’s the plan?”

Standing to his full height, Steve faced Lou, then looked from him to Adam, to Tani and Quinn, then finally Junior. “To give her exactly what she wants.”

* * *

Steve had one hour to reach a location that was fifty minutes way in good traffic. He had one goal, one objective. Anything else was cast aside.

Lou tried talking to him, moving to stand in front of him, blocking Steve’s goal, his words nothing but a buzzing sound. Steve said something, he couldn’t remember what it was, but Lou was gone, and his path was cleared and that was all that mattered. 

By the time he went down the hall toward the elevator, Adam was on his heels. “Steve.”

No time; the clock was ticking. _Tick, tick, tick._ Fifty-three minutes. But Adam was persistent, and the elevator door was still closed. Steve could feel adrenaline course through his body, feel the endorphins increase his heartbeat, oxygenating his blood, his brain and body feeding on the excess energy. 

Adam’s words, like Lou’s, were just a loud buzz.

“Hey.” Adam grabbed Steve’s arm. “Listen to me.”

Steve could have broken Adam’s wrist, fractured the bone, sent him to his knees, all in less than a second. But he ignored his primal instincts, Adam’s grip on his arm, quieting the droning.

“What she told you back there about your father, there was no way you could have saved him. The odds were stacked against you that day. But right now, you have Five-O in your corner. And it wasn’t long ago that you told me that very thing. Let us help you find another way. There is no guarantee that if you give her that cipher that she’ll spare Danny’s life.”

Steve pulled his arm out of Adam’s hand, a moment’s hesitation causing him to pause. No, he couldn’t harbor any doubts, hesitation was the root cause of error and there was no room for any mistakes. _Tick, tick, tick._

“Steve. Wo Fat murdered my father, too.” Adam swallowed; it was oddly loud. “I know what it’s like to be eaten up alive in guilt and anger by that man. Don’t let his wife manipulate you—use your emotions for Danny against you. Let your team back you up.”

And there it was, a glimmer of doubt, festering. 

_“Don’t allow another loved one to die because of your stubbornness.”_

He had to stomp uncertainty in its tracks. “I’m going to the trade alone.”

Steve walked into the elevator, the doors closing on Adam’s worried expression.

* * *

The elevator moved and the world came crashing down with it. Steve put both hands against his face, pressing down over his eyes. _Your fault, your fault. She has Danny and it’s all on you._

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the damn cipher, something else falling out in the process. It was Dr. Alex Moreland’s card for the vet’s therapy group. Steve stared at it a long moment before shoving both back into his pocket. 

Lock down. He had to lock it down, but the harder he pushed, the more everything spilled out. 

_“My brother’s dead, isn’t he?”_

Steve sucked in a breath.

_“Then so is your father.”_

The gunshot that ended his father’s life was still impossibly loud in his ears. 

No. Steve would not allow history to repeat itself. Never again.

* * *

Danny’s wrists throbbed, his arms burned, gravity made it feel like all the muscles and tendons of his shoulders were being ripped away at the collarbone. God, he hurt all over. His ribs ached when he breathed, and he could feel his face swelling up from all the punches it received. Whenever he licked his sore lips he tasted blood from the cut edges of his mouth.

God, how did he allow himself to be taken? He’d picked on the tail right away. They weren’t subtle. But instead of pulling into the nearest parking lot, he tried to evade them, and everything erupted in hail of gunfire and a black bag over his face.

His eyes kept fluttering closed, giving him a moment’s rest, giving him a reprieve. If they thought he was unconscious they took a break. 

He felt the air move in front of him move. Guess rest time was over. Danny braced for what was coming.

_Smack._

His head whipped back as a fist landed on the right side of his face. By the time his head returned to its normal position, he was struck again. Danny groaned as his head swam.

He didn’t know how long he’d endured the random beatings. An hour, two hours? It felt like a lifetime. 

The scuffing of shoes indicated that his assailant had stepped away. Danny opened his eyes to mere slits, watching his tormentor shaking his hand to get rid of the sting of punching him. Good. He hoped the asshole broke a few bones. 

He started to drift off, his vision blurring around the edges just as the door to the room opened and someone stepped inside. Based on his assailant’s reaction, this was the boss, the person responsible for this whole thing.

The person stepped closer, lines and dimensions coalescing into a woman: Daiyu Mei.

“You…,” Danny sucked in a pained breath. “Figures.” 

She stepped closer, watching him. Danny couldn’t help it, he quipped about exchanging insurance information after they fire-bombed his car. Because of all the people on this Earth to abduct him, how cruel could fate be?

“For a man who has two children, you should not be making jokes.”

Anger swelled inside his chest; if he could have, he would have struck her.

“You touch my kids and I’ll kill ya.” He tried leaning forward. “Do you understand?”

She laughed under her breath, amused. Turning toward the guy who’d been whaling on Danny, she nodded at him. “Mr. Liu, he doesn’t look bad enough. This needs correcting.”

“Hey, wait!” Danny wanted to know what the endgame was, what this was all about. 

But Daiyu Mei walked away and Liu punched him in the jaw, the side of the head, Danny’s body swinging wildly with every blow.

* * *

Something wet and cold was splashed over his face and Danny gasped awake, pain wracking through his limbs and his head. He couldn’t really feel his face, nor his arms. And Jesus, Steve was such a liar: being chained to the ceiling for a long time did goddamn hurt. In fact it was agony; and the asshole had brushed off any worry after North Korea. After Steve had been held for three freaking days.

“Is he awake?”

“Yeah. He’s just faking.”

Danny bit down on a moan as he peeled open his eyes. Another guy had joined Liu; this goon was taller and more broad-shouldered. He stared at Danny with distain as he carried an empty glass. 

Liu patted the other guy on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’ll get your piece soon.”

Lord. Now what? Who was the other goon?

But the new guy muttered something under his breath and moved to the back of the room as Daiyu Mei returned.

And Danny dreaded this, knew deep in his bones what was coming next. Tormenting Steve. 

This was all about revenge. Every bruise, every broken bone, every ounce of pain directed and felt by Danny, Steve would feel tenfold. Because Daiyu Mei was evil to her core, and worse: incredibly smart. She knew exactly what she was doing, and he could only imagine how unraveled Steve was at this point, how stretched thin, wrecked.

Daiyu Mei was using him as a weapon and she knew exactly how to inflict the most damage.

Strolling in, Daiyu Mei shoved her phone in Danny’s face. “Detective Williams. Here are your friends. They’re concerned for you safety.”

“Whatever she wants you to do, Steve, don’t do it,” Danny said, trying to keep his voice steady. “Don’t give her anything.”

Daiyu Mei whipped the phone away. “So, do we have a deal, Commander? Don’t repeat the same mistakes with you father. Don’t allow a loved one to die because of your stubbornness.”

Despite his pain, Danny fumed at her words, at how she wounded Steve to the core by bringing up his dad’s death. 

She ended the call and Danny couldn’t help himself, he lashed out. “You and your husband must have been quite the pair. Did you both visit the psyche ward together?”

But she turned her back to him, still threatening Steve. “Come alone, Commander. Do exactly as I say or your friend dies. If I see a member of your team, a sign of S.W.A.T. He dies. If you try to pull and tricks, Detective Williams dies.” 

“You’re a real piece of work, huh?” He seethed. “But do you know what? Steve won. He killed your husband. Wo Fat got a bullet in his head and Steve walked away.”

Daiyu Mei took Danny by the chin and squeezed. “My husband might have lost the final battle, but who do you think won the war? Over ten long years, who do you think suffered the longest, ended up carrying the most scars?” 

“I dunno, your husband had quite a few. Burns and all that.”

She slapped Danny hard across the face before taking him by the chin again, her lips curving into a grin. “But now, in this final showdown, who do you think will land the lethal blow? Who will claim the final victory?”

Letting go of his chin, Daiyu Mei stepped back, still smiling. “Know this: before Commander McGarrett dies, he will know even more pain, more suffering, and you, Detective Williams, will help me accomplish it.”

She strolled out and Danny was left hanging by his wrists, helpless, unable to do a damn thing. Liu and his big friend watched him with amusement like two vultures circling their prey. 

No. Like hell would Danny be used this way to hurt Steve. Not now, not ever. He steeled himself, tried to reserve what strength he had left, his mind going a mile a minute in search of a plan. Anything to keep this from happening.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for canon-typical violence.  
> I've been using this story to help me get through all these difficult weeks. Your comments are ♥

* * *

During his last two decades on Earth, Steve had planned and executed strikes on fortified enemy encampments, parachuted at night behind enemy lines, conducted sabotage missions from submarines, and rescued hostages from multiple hostile situations. They all paled in comparison to the importance of this moment.

There was no room for error. No hesitation. Not like the seconds he’d wasted answering Hesse’s question about his brother, giving away that Anton was dead and leading to his father’s murder. 

Not like when he’d left Freddie behind to complete the mission, breaking one of the number one rules in combat. Or lowering his weapon and surrendering to the enemy that allowed his mother to be killed. 

Steve would rescue Danny. No other outcome was acceptable. 

He gunned the engine, racing down the highway. He turned left, taking a side road, then took another left.

When his phone vibrated, Steve glanced at the incoming text.

_New directions. Take the third road to your right._

Changing the location wasn’t unexpected. Steve followed the instructions.

_Now turn right at the gas station._

Text after text. New directions after directions. 

It was meant to keep him off balance, to ensure Steve didn’t have back-up. It didn’t faze him, didn’t make him flinch or set him on edge. He didn’t feel anything but resolve. Everything else was locked in a steel box deep inside his head. Anything else would compromise the mission.

When he turned at the next corner, he spotted several approaching vehicles. 

Zero hour.

Three black SUVs stopped in the middle of the road. 

Steve stepped out of his truck. Daiyu Mei and her entourage followed suit. 

It took four quick strides to meet her in the middle. Steve counted four bodyguards and no sign of Danny. He threw up his hands. “Where is he?”

“Where is the cipher?” she countered.

“In a safe place.”

“Show proof that you have it, or Detective Williams dies.”

Steve pulled the cipher out of his back pocket and held it up enough for her to see it before stuffing it away. 

“Are we really going to play this game?” Daiyu Mei asked. 

Steve glared. 

Daiyu Mei studied him before giving him an address where Danny was being held. “He’s there waiting for you. Now give me what is mine.”

“No. That doesn’t work for me.” Steve wasn’t an amateur. “You’re going to live stream him from my phone. I want that GPS data to prove to me he’s where you say he is, and he’s alive. Otherwise there’s no deal.”

Daiyu Mei took his phone with a barely contained smirk and typed. Then she handed it back to him.

Steve watched the video, heart racing. Danny groaned on screen while hanging from those awful chains. “Danny? Danny! You okay? Hey!”

Danny startled to full consciousness and stared at the screen. _“Steve! Don’t believe a word she says! It’s a trap!”_

Daiyu Mei stared at Steve as if he were a dumb pile of bricks. “Did you really think all I wanted was the cipher?”

Deep down inside, Steve knew the answer. Which is why he came prepared. 

Four bodyguards aimed their weapons at him in the exact moment Steve removed a hidden grenade clipped to the back of his belt. Pulling the pin, he wrapped his fingers wrapped around the lever, and raised it over his head.

Everyone froze.

Steve stared at the bodyguards. “The moment I let go of this is the moment everyone dies.” 

Daiyu Mei’s henchmen stared at their boss for orders. For her part, she looked nonplussed. 

Steve stepped close enough to count her blemishes. 

She smiled. “I guess we all have contingency plans.” Daiyu Mei looked to her men and nodded.

Reluctantly, her goons lowered their weapons.

Steve kept an eye on them. With the grenade constantly in their line of sight, he pulled out his SIG with his right hand and pointed it at her. “You’re taking me to Danny.”

“And If I don’t?”

“I’ll release the lever.”

“Then you’ll die along with me.”

“I’m not afraid of dying today.” Steve wasn’t lying. He was ready. “In the meantime, my team will have the address where Danny is being held.”

Daiyu Mei didn’t flinch. “And where are they right now? Three or four miles away? They could reach Detective Williams in ten, maybe fifteen minutes?” She shrugged. “Of course, my men have orders to kill him in eight if I don’t return.”

“Then we better get going.”

Without a word, she started walking toward her SUV.

All four goons started to follow, but Steve still held up the grenade for them to see. “Take several steps back.”

Daiyu Mei nodded and all four collectively moved away.

Satisfied, he continued directing Daiyu Mei’s into the car. “Through the passenger seat.”

She crawled over the passenger seat, into the driver’s side. Steve walked backward, his body sideways to keep the goons and Daiyu Mei in his sights. After she was situated in the driver side seat, he sat on the edge of the passenger side. 

“And what happens as soon as we drive off?” She asked. “You don’t think one of my men won’t call ahead?”

“No. I don’t.” Steve lobbed the grenade at her bodyguards and slammed the door close. Swinging his gun around, Steve aimed it at Daiyu Mei as the grenade exploded. “Because they’re all dead.”

Daiyu Mei quirked an eyebrow. “Impressive, Commander. I’m actually glad you weren’t so easily played.”

Steve checked his phone and ensured Danny’s coordinates had been sent to his teams’ cell phones. He’d caught Junior tailing his truck the moment he left HPD. Steve had noticed Lou’s car after the second mile. 

Deep down he knew they wouldn’t be far behind and would provide back-up if needed. But there was no way of knowing how long it would take them. 

For now, though, this was all on him so Steve held the gun on Daiyu Mei, forcing her to take him to Danny.

* * *

Danny tried shifting him arms to release the strain on his wrists, but his body weight continued pulling against his bonds. It was excruciating. He tried using the pain to remain conscious.

Liu seemed bored, lighting a cigarette. The exchange was obviously happening right now. Of course, Danny was _here_ , so exchange wasn’t the correct word.

Set-up. Trap. Ambush were all more accurate. 

When the call for more proof of life came from the meet-up, Danny had tried to warn Steve that it was a trap. How long ago had that been? Five minutes? Ten minutes?

Liu’s radio crackled. _“Is Huang with you?”_

“No. He went to grab something.”

_“Stay sharp. The package should be arriving soon.”_

Danny rolled his eyes at the terminology. 

Liu looked at him then back to the door when it opened. Tormentor Number Two, or Huang, as Danny had just learned, entered carrying something in his hands.

Grabbing a stool from the corner of the room, Huang stood on it while he dragged a chain through the hooks in the ceiling. Danny hadn’t noticed the second set-up before. A horrible dread ripped through his stomach.

Huang jumped off the stool and stood in front of Danny. “Got something to say, midget?”

“Really,” Danny grunted. “Short jokes? Can’t…come up with anything more original than that?”

“We’ll see how funny you are when your friend joins us.”

Danny looked from Huang to the chains. Daiyu Mei’s plan all along was to grab Steve. She’d used Danny against him, manipulated Steve while he was in such a poor frame of mind. 

And now, she was going to torture him. Like Steve hadn’t been brutalized enough in the last few years by the Wo Fat’s of the world. 

Danny shook on his chains in anger. 

Huang smirked. “The midget is upset.”

Liu snorted, but then he flinched from the sound of a near-by explosion. In the distance, Danny could hear gunfire. 

Laughter bubbled up from his chest, Danny snorted, feeling loopy, euphoric. “You know…I’d probably run while you still can. In fact, I think you should call your family…tell them you love them.” He snorted. “You have no idea what you stirred up.”

Liu yelled into his radio, then listened to the response. He stared up at Danny with sneer. “Did you think she wouldn’t have a back-up plan?” Liu stepped closer. “We’re prepared for a rescue attempt. All _twenty_ of us.”

Huang jiggled the other set of chains beside Danny. “When we’re done with him, when he’s begging for death, McGarrett can watch you die.”

Laughing, Liu wandered toward Danny and punched him in the ribs.

* * *

Steve kept his SIG trained on Daiyu Mei as she drove. He watched her for any change in facial expressions, but she was calm, eyes on the road, hands relaxed around the steering wheel. 

“My husband found you a worthy adversary, Commander.”

Steve flicked his gaze between her and the windshield. The buzzing in his ears started again. He homed in on her hands, her body language, but there were no signs of agitation or stress. She wasn’t even sweating inside the hot car.

“He would have mourned the death of his mother, more so than you perhaps.”

They were nearing the edge of a neighborhood. Steve kept an eye out for activity as they drove toward a secluded driveway.

“She wasn’t worth it, of course. Doris McGarrett was a very selfish woman. Abandoning a child to play house with a new, _undeserving_ family.”

His chest tightened. He kept his aim true even as his body tensed. He breathed through his nostrils, focusing only on the inhale and exhale even as his skin burned warm.

Daiyu Mei drove them down the driveway, toward a set of metal gates.

“You don’t have many loved ones left, do you?”

Pulse thumping, Steve ignored her attempts to goad him, searching for signs of guards or outside movement. 

“Every year there’s a new funeral. I wonder, how many were the results of your actions?” The SUV started gaining speed. “And will Detective Williams’ children blame you when you couldn’t save him either?”

“Hey!” Steve yelled, staring at her. “What are you—”

The SUV slammed in a set of green iron gates. Steve was thrown against the dashboard, his head slamming against something hard. 

By the time he regained his bearings, Steve was aiming his weapon at an empty driver seat. Daiyu Mei was gone.

Shit.

Stupid. He’d fallen for a ploy he’d used several times before. Fumbling with the door, he rolled out onto the ground just as a hail of bullets shattered the remains of the windshield.

Using the SUV for cover, Steve moved to crouch behind the rear of the vehicle trying to pinpoint the location of the shooters. 

The car had crashed through the gates. He spotted a driveway leading up to a large house on top a hill surrounded by shrubbery, with him downrange at a disadvantage.

Bullets ricocheted off the driver’s side door. Then the window. Steve counted two shooters, both with automatic rifles.

He started moving toward the passenger side of the vehicle when the side mirror was shot to pieces. That came from a third shooter. 

The other two started firing from the west, trying to pin him down, the whole driver’s side of the car was sprayed with bullets.

Steve went to his belly; the heavy scent of gasoline filling his nostrils. He lifted his hands, they came away wet with fuel. Which gave him an idea.

He stuffed his SIG into back of his waistband to secure it. Pulling his blue outer shirt over his head, he rubbed it over the ground, soaking up the gas. Patting his pockets, he retrieved the lighter he always kept for emergencies and crawled beneath the under carriage of the car. Spotting the broken fuel line, he stuffed the shirt into the under part of the fuel assembly.

He waited, the gun fire dying down as the enemy started approaching the SUV. He could barely make out the shape of their legs as they cautiously approached the vehicle. Still not close enough.

Waiting, waiting…he saw two sets of shoes from his vantage point on the ground.

Flicking the lighter, Steve lit the dry part of the shirt hanging down.

Crabbing back out, Steve got down in a crouch behind the rear of the SUV and pulled out his SIG. 

All three men edged closer. Steve shot at them, providing his own cover fire before he ran several meters and dived to the ground, just as the car exploded.

Breathing hard, Steve stumbled to his feet, dizzy, but still focused. Grunting, he kept his weapon at ready, inspecting the burning SUV.

He spotted one body, then the remains of another. Steve knelt and grabbed one of the M4 rifles lying on the ground, inspecting it quickly. It looked intact.

Patting the pants pockets of the second suspect, he found a walkie talkie. Stuffing it in his pants pocket, Steve made his way toward the east side of the house, close to the bushes. 

More men ran out of the front entrance, shouting in Cantonese. Steve turned the volume from the radio down, holding it to his ear, listening to their frantic shouts. It was hard to make out some of the words, but he got the gist of it. 

Those inside were breaking into four groups. He was outnumbered and out gunned, but none of it mattered. 

Only one objective was clear.

* * *

_Tick, tick, tick._

His team would be here, maybe five or six minutes out. Not enough time. There was never enough time. 

He kept to the bushes, watched as a team of four men exited the main door and headed toward the burning car.

Steve entered through the front, clearing the foyer, and continued into a large living room.

He couldn’t save his father, didn’t bring Freddie home, failed Joe. 

He heard footsteps, hushed voices coming from a hallway. Three men. 

_Don’t give up your position or Danny’s dead._

Slinging the rifle around his shoulder, Steve grabbed one of the big pillows from a sofa. He hugged the wall with his back, listening to the direction the men were coming from. Then he went around the other side of the hallway to come up behind them. 

Pulling out his SIG, Steve moved around the corner, spotting his targets. Pressing the muzzle of his gun against the pillow, he fired six shots, striking all three men in the back. 

Dropping the obliterated pillow, Steve stuffed the SIG in his back of his waistband and unshouldered the rifle. One goal. He had one goal. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

Steve searched the house, going from one room to the next. Into the kitchen, then another hallway. 

He wasn’t even aware of the passage of time, every second stretching too far, too long.

Something gave him away, he wasn’t sure what, didn’t care. He dodged bullets as they struck the wall behind his head.

Steve returned fire. He was trapped in the middle of a hallway. He had no cover, no concealment. He shot the guy in front him, turned and squeezed the trigger at the target sneaking up behind him.

_You’re in a crossfire._

All he had was instinct and muscle memory. Shooting in the direction of the enemy, keeping low. Seek and destroy. He maneuvered around bodies as he engaged with the enemy. 

Somehow, he’d made down the hallway, sweat dripping down his face. Or was it blood? It didn’t matter. 

He looked around at the dead and dying. Steve didn’t have time to question any suspects regarding Danny’s location. But most of the gunmen had come from this part of the house. They had to be guarding something. 

He spotted a door up ahead. There were sounds of a firefight in the distance. Was the team here?

Steve’s heart pounded. He opened the door and saw the muzzle of a rifle pointed in this direction. Steve leaped out of the way, crashing to the ground. 

Bullets whizzed all around him, pulverizing furniture. It looked like he was inside recreation room. Steve rolled to his left, scrambling to his feet, the exchange of weapons’ fire was deafening. He fired randomly in the direction of all the noise. 

He crawled behind a bar, over shattered wine bottles littering the ground. There were too many shooters. But he would never give up. This was what he was good at, after all. 

Steve waited for them to re-load. He was low on ammo. _Make every bullet count._

He popped his head around the bar as a single shot rang out from nearby. Followed by another. But the sound it wasn’t from an assault rifle—it was small arms fire. Pistol. Glock maybe?

He heard someone moving toward his position as more gunfire erupted in the opposite part of the room.

Timing his reaction, Steve rolled to his left, squeezing the trigger, taking out another target. Then he got to one knee, searching for the rest of the bad guys when he spotted two men with their backs to Steve, _aiming at someone else._

Standing, Steve squeezed the trigger of his M4 rifle, taking them out with single shots. And when he looked for his next target, Steve saw something that took his breath away. 

_Not something, someone._ His heart jumped into his throat. 

Danny.

* * *

It sounded like a war had broken out. Danny listened to the sound of AK-47’s and random other gunfire. Based on the musty smell and cement walls, Danny knew he was being held inside a basement. While he was at least one floor down, it couldn’t conceal the chaos of going on all around.

Huang stared at the ceiling and smacked Liu on the arm. The other goon paced as he yelled into his radio. Based on his frantic shouts, things were not going well. 

Danny beamed with pride. Because Steve Fucking McGarrett was a terrifying one-man army. _Navy SEAL_ , he heard Steve correcting him inside his head.

Every time things seem to calm down, another round of gunfire echoed, this time inside the house. 

The radio squawked and Liu yelled at Huang, motioning him over. Huang cursed. Both men pulled out their weapons and left the room, Liu slamming the door close behind him.

It took every ounce of patience not to mock them, not to say, ‘have a nice death.’ But that would only waste time. 

Danny had absolute faith in Steve’s combat abilities, but he was not bulletproof. Daiyu Mei had hired twenty assholes to protect her, and that was a number Danny would not allow Steve to face alone.

He looked up where the chain was connected over his head. Mustering every ounce of strength, he jumped up; latching onto the chain above him and started climbing it like a rope.

His ribs screamed, every muscle protested the horrible strain, but Danny ignored it. He kept climbing, one chain link at a time. Move, move, move. Panting, he inched his way higher and higher. He had to reach the metal pipe holding the eye-ring that attached the chain. 

Grabbing the eye-ring with his hands, he swung the rest of his body, wrapping his arms and legs around the pipe. God, it hurt, but he had to escape. Had to back-up Steve. 

Grunting with every exhale, he used the chain to pry away the link to the eyehole. He almost cried in relief.

Arms shaking, Danny dropped down to the floor, the impact knocking the air out of him, battering his bruised body. Part of him wanted to simply curl into himself against the pain, but the other part started riding a wave of fresh adrenaline. He was free.

There was no time for reprieve. He heard the door begin to open. Gripping the chain between his hands, Danny clubbed the guard in the face with it.

The guard dropped like a stone. Still handcuffed, Danny searched the man’s pockets, finding a set of keys. Surprised, he looked at the goon’s busted face. He was one of the guys who blew up his car. Danny quickly undid his cuffs then grabbed the guard’s weapon.

The sounds of constant barrage of gunfire spurred Danny on. _I’m coming, babe. Hold on._

As soon as he stood up, the door opened, and Liu entered. Danny shot the man without hesitation. As he exited the room, he shot him again for good measure.

Danny moved down the hall, shooting the guards who rounded the next corner. His mind was a blank space. Blood coursed through his veins, the pain throughout his body a dull throb.

These people dared to threaten his children? To hurt Steve?

Danny quickly found the staircase and started walking up them when the door at the top flung up. He fired a bullet into the guy’s chest, allowing the body to tumble down the rest of the stairs. 

It was like walking into the middle of a battle. One guy was hunched down in the hallway, firing into the other room. Danny took him out with a single precise shot.

Striding down the hall he scanned the room, his brain recording everything in slow motion. 

Two men spun around at him, swinging their weapons in his direction. Danny had time and speed. He took them out one by one. 

His heartbeat was like a buzz saw inside his chest. Danny caught movement coming toward him. He swung his weapon around, finger about to squeeze the trigger, when his breath hitched, and he lowered his gun at the most beautiful sight. 

Steve. Alive and wild-eyed. 

Moving toward Steve, Danny felt something strike him in the back with a force so powerful, it spun him around. Collapsing onto the ground he gaped like a fish as warm blood poured out of a burning hole out of his chest. 

“Danny!” Steve screamed hoarse and guttural. 

In his peripheral vision Danny noticed Daiyu Mei standing in another doorway. With a smirk, she lowered her weapon and casually walked away.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Steve felt his heart stop when Danny went down. He couldn’t breathe. He froze before instinct took over.

“Danny!”

Steve ran, kneeling, hands hovering over Danny’s body. Blood soaked through Danny’s white shirt, pooling under his shoulder, the puddle spreading across the floor. 

Danny groaned, his hand reaching for Steve’s shoulder and missing. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Sssssh, I’ve got ya.” 

Danny kept trying to grab onto Steve, but his arm flopped around, his movements sluggish. 

One of the bullet holes was in Danny’s upper torso. _Jesus_ , it was big. Steve searched for the exit wound. He turned Danny to one side, examining the back of his shoulder, and his hand coming away slick with blood. 

The bullet had entered from his back _and exited out through_ the chest. God. There were so many vessels there. Arteries. 

Fuck. Steve’s combat medical training shifted into high gear. He had to get Danny to a hospital now. Scanning the room, he found beach towel and grabbed it. Running back over, he pressed the towel to the wound to slow down the bleeding. He didn’t have any sutures, no quick clot or anything else useful from medical kit.

“You keep breathing, Danny. You hear me? You keep breathing.” Danny made noises in the back of his throat. Steve tried ignoring how weak they sounded. “I’m going to put my hand behind your head.”

Steve swung Danny’ arm around his neck then stood up, pulling Danny to his feet. “I’ve got ya, come on.” 

Steve took on all of Danny’s weight as they hobbled. He had no idea where they were going. They needed the shortest route. An exfil.

A recreation room meant beach activities. Steve searched the room. There. A door leading outside.

“Here we go, man.”

“S-steve.”

“Shhh, save your breath.” Panting, Steve dragged Danny as he kicked the door open with his foot. “You’re doing great, Danny. Come on.”

Sirens blared outside. Red and blue lights flashed. 

And there, outside, _the team_ was waiting. Steve didn’t need to bark out orders; his people could tell how dire the situation was. 

“I’ll drive,” Tani said.

Steve didn’t care who helped, all that matter was that they had a ride. 

“Here we go, I’ve got ya.” Steve helped Danny into the back of the car. “Just a few steps. Come, on. You can do it,” he encouraged. “I’m right behind you.”

God, Danny had such strength, such fortitude. Steve followed behind Danny, moving inside, getting situated so he could hold Danny again. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Danny all-but collapsed and Steve was there, taking his weight against his body, supporting his head, making sure he felt safe. “Don’t worry, okay? We’re going to get you fixed-up.” He held Danny even closer.

How many times had he said something like that to Danny? After stabbings and shootings and poisonings. His heart sunk. There was no time for this. Lock it all away in the steel box. 

The drive was to the hospital was a blur. The ER room, chaos.

“Pulse thready.”

“BP 180 over 120 and dropping.”

Doctors and nurses spoke over him. 

“Sir. _Commander._ We’ve got him.”

Steve stared uncomprehending at one of the hospital staff. Then he realized one hand was a death grip around the gurney and the other was still intertwined with Danny’s. 

“Steve, man. You need to let the docs take care of him.” Lou stared at Steve, speaking quietly. “Come on.”

It felt like betrayal, but Steve reluctantly stepped away, Danny’s hand slipping out of his grasp. 

Danny reached out blindly, his fingers brushing against Steve’s arm and it took everything he had to keep Steve from grabbing it again. 

“We’ll take good care of him,” someone said.

Steve watched as a swarm of people took Danny away, his gurney disappearing behind a set of closing doors.

And then it hit him. The sounds of people running down hallways, phones ringing, people talking, shouting, the wail of ambulances and the buzz of a hospital. 

His skin felt cold and hot, his breathing fast and erratic.

“Steve?”

He couldn’t identify the voice.

“Steve. You okay?”

Someone touched his arm and Steve jerked away.

“Okay, everyone give the man some space. Come on now.”

The scent of disinfectant and sweat assailed his senses.

Everything was too bright. Too loud. Everyone’s emotions were bombarding him, beating Steve down.

Dizzy, Steve staggered away. Hand pressed against the wall, Steve searched for the exit, away from the chaos, from the sense of suffocation. 

He kept going despite people calling his name, despite strangers giving him odd looks, until he finally stumbled outside.

He kept going until his legs gave out and he sank to the grass and heaved his guts out.

* * *

The sky was a dark blue. He stared at it. Swirling clouds, the contrails of the wake of planes, a passing bird in his peripheral vision. 

“Steve?”

The breeze was warm, coming from the west. It carried the scent of the sea, and something else. Something sour, making his nostrils flare. 

“Steve, man. Can you hear me?”

He looked up at Lou and blinked.

“Are you hurt? Got any injuries?”

“No.” His voice sounded raw. He cleared his throat. “Why?”

“Because your head’s bleeding.”

Steve wiped at the wet stickiness at his temple. “Huh.”

Lou frowned. “Did you hit your head?”

“I dunno. Maybe?” The image of a car crashing into a metal gate flashed inside mind. 

“You might want to get it checked out.”

“I’m all right.”

It didn’t hurt. Nothing did. 

Steve drew his knees up, wrapping his arms around them. He was sitting in the grass somewhere. There was a puddle of foul-smelling stuff nearby. His stomach churned. 

Lou hovered. “Look. I know this is hard. I know you’re hurting in more ways than one. But Danny would want you to get examined. In fact, he’d be ranting about Navy SEALs and their stupidity.”

Yeah. Danny always yelled at him when Steve did something dangerous.

“You had a concussion maybe two weeks ago. Actually less.” Lou shoved his hands into his pockets. “You know how bad back-to-back head injuries can be.”

Two weeks ago? Before Danny went to San Francisco. Before the call from the British lawyer. 

Before….

Steve studied his red-stained palms. Wasn’t he supposed to be somewhere later?

“Steve, you need to get cleaned up.” 

“I’m fine.”

Lou sighed. “Look, I wanted to wait a little while longer, but I also need your preliminary After-Action Report. Governor’s orders. I promise we’ll keep it short.”

“For what?”

“A member of her taskforce was abducted. Not to mention the large pile of bodies left everywhere. We’ve still got a case to solve.”

The sun had begun to set, the temperature dropping slightly. Then he remembered what he was supposed to do later. “I promised Danny we’d talk tonight. When he was done with work.”

Steve looked from Lou’s worried face to his surroundings. This wasn’t Punchbowl. 

“Come on.” When he didn’t respond, Lou’s arm appeared in Steve’s line of sight. “Don’t make me pull you up and throw out my back.”

Clasping Lou’s wrist, Steve allowed the other man to help him to his feet. He swayed slightly when the world abruptly tilted sideways.

A hand gripped Steve’s shoulder, strong and steady. “Hey, I got ya.”

_“I’ve got ya, Danny. Hang on, okay? We’re almost there.”_

Steve starred at the crimson drops all over his shoes, his stomach twisting. His heart started pounding.

“You okay? You just lost several shades of color.”

“I’m good.” Steve waited for the ground to stop moving then took two deep breaths. “Let’s go.”

* * *

He splashed water over his face and stared at a stranger’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. Steve touched the bandage to his temple, studied dark smudges that framed blood-shot eyes. Although his head was killing him, he’d refused a CT scan. He wasn’t about to be stuck in some part of the hospital where they couldn’t reach him.

Filling a paper cup with the tap, he rinsed out his mouth. After washing his hands, Steve went out into the hall and followed Lou and Junior into a private room.

“There’s still no update from the doctors,” Junior said, pulling out a chair and sitting. “But that’s, you know. Normal. It’s only been a couple of hours since the surgery started.”

Steve sat down in the opposite chair. He stared at his recently washed hands, at the blood still around his nails. 

“Could you tell us what happened during the exchange with Daiyu Mei?” Lou asked. “Do you have any clue where she might have gone?”

_“Lieutenant McGarrett, please recount the events leading to the death of Lieutenant Hart.”_

Steve closed his eyes, tried pushing away the familiar swirl of random thoughts. 

“Steve?” Junior prompted. “What did Daiyu Mei say when you arrived? We just need an account to help us track down where she might have fled. Then we can get back into the waiting room.”

Joe White’s disappointed expression flashed inside his head. _“You still have to give your After-Action Report. Especially after a failure. It’s the only way you learn from your mistakes.”_

Steve forced his eyes open and sat straighter in his seat. “The mission deviated from planned,” he began. 

He kept his report short and concise. It wasn’t like Steve purposely skipped parts; it was just that the details were a little fuzzy. He recounted the exchange, the drive, the car crash. How he’d entered the house, engaged the enemy—

Steve swallowed. “Daiyu Mei shot Danny in the back.”

_“Don’t repeat the same mistakes with you father. Don’t allow a loved one to die because of your stubbornness.”_

Steve balled up his fists. He should have gone through the rear entrance to the house. That would have been the best tactical decision. 

How would he explain what happened to Grace and Charlie? To Rachel? It felt like a vice was squeezing his chest. The air thinned inside the room.

Lou looked at Junior who tuned off the tape recorder. 

Junior got out of his chair. “Do you need anything, Steve?”

_“Every year there’s a new funeral. I wonder, how many were the results of your actions?”_

Lou stood. “I’ll update the team then call the governor. Maybe you could find him something to eat?”

Steve stared at his hands as he balled his fingers up and stretched them out. Hands that killed over a dozen men today. Hands that had killed dozens upon dozens more over the years. Yet when needed the most, they couldn’t prevent one bullet from hitting its target.

“I’m going to grab you some food. Nothing heavy. Granola bar or something. Okay?”

Steve didn’t answer. Didn’t say anything as Lou left or as Junior stood there watching him until he left too.

He rubbed at his eyes, buried his face in the same hands that had betrayed him. No, he couldn’t languish; he needed to be there for Danny, needed to—

Steve stood abruptly, the chair he was sitting on tipping over. He glared at the damn thing. Breathing heavy, he wrapped his fingers around the wooden leg, frustration and anger coursing through him.

He couldn’t remember the details about clearing that house, how many shooters he’d taken out, but Steve could remember in vivid detail the moment he’d seen Danny’s bloody and bruised face, the way his whole body relaxed at the sight of Steve, the relief—and the sound of the shot as it rang out, the bullet from Daiyu Mei’s gun striking Danny down.

_It should have been you._

Steve picked up the chair and flung it across the room as hard as he could. 

Chest heaving, he tossed the table, flipping it over. Then he grabbed the next chair and slung it against the wall, again and again and again until his hands burned and he panted for breath. And all the excess adrenaline pumping through him petered out leaving him winded and exhausted.

Instead of giving in the desire to just crumble onto the floor, Steve threw open the door and stormed out. He ignored the startled look of a nurse and brushed past Junior who was coming toward him.

Steve picked a direction and started walking, not caring where he was going or what he was doing, as long as he didn’t have to think or feel or _be_ anymore.

* * *

Hallways blended. People became blurs. Steve wandered around until he found himself standing outside a chapel, surprised at where his aimlessness had brought him. 

He walked glancing around at the stained-glass windows and rows of lit candles. Weary, he sat down in one of the pews. He was the only one inside. He had a private audience. 

He clasped his hands together, struggling to make coherent so many competing thoughts. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d prayed. Wasn’t sure what help it could do now. While prayer provided comfort for many, Steve wasn’t here for that.

Steve bowed his head. He concentrated, hoping if he focused hard enough, long enough, he would be heard. 

“If you want to take somebody, you take me. Not him.” Bargaining was all he had left. Steve stared up at the cross. “Just take me.”

Taking another breath, Steve was about to continue his plea when he heard someone enter the chapel. Glancing behind him, he glared at Junior for interrupting his negotiation. Then his heart skipped a beat at the implication of his presence. 

“There’s no news. He’s still in surgery,” Junior said as if reading his mind. Taking a seat in the pew behind him, he cleared his throat. “How are you doing? I mean, I know this is hard...I just.... I saw the remains of those table and chairs. I’m here if you need me, Steve. We all are.”

Steve looked away; he was fine.

“I’m also, um. Stopped by to see if you still had the cipher?”

“What the hell for?” 

“Because we need to decode it. It might help us locate Daiyu Mei, so we can capture her.”

Steve laughed in his cynicism. “That’s not how this works. _This whole thing?_ It’s just another blood feud. I strike her; she strikes back, both of us will leave behind a trail of bodies in our wake. It’ll go on forever until one of us dies.”

Junior bristled at Steve’s last words. He leaned forward. “Then we need to stop her now. That cipher is the key.”

“It was never about the cipher.” Steve stared at Junior. “It was about revenge. I should have figured it out earlier. Hell, I should have made tracking her down my number one priority when she arrived on the island.”

“There was APB out on her from every law enforcement agency.”

“But it wasn’t our number one case. That failure is on me.”

“It’s not on anyone, Sir. She’s been operating in the shadows for months.”

Steve shook his head. “And as leader of the governor’s task force, I had an _obligation_ to keep this island safe.”

“And based on what I’ve seen, you have. The whole team has, from a lot of criminals.”

“Not this one.”

“You’re right: not this one. But we don’t have a scoreboard. Just a lot of collars.”

Steve leaned back against the pew. Junior just didn’t understand the whole picture. It wasn’t about just the last few months, or couple of years. It was about a lifetime time of choices. “It doesn’t justify all the other failures.”

“We can’t have victories without failure.” 

God, Junior sounded so earnest, so self-assured. But Steve had at least a decade on him. Experience shaped your whole being. “It’s not that simple. I know it’s impossible to think every case, every battle will end in victory. But when it’s counted the most in my life, the _most important_ choices, I’ve gotten them wrong every time.”

Maybe he should have prayed for forgiveness instead of making more demands.

“That’s what the best leaders do, sir. They win and they fail. It breeds resilience and courage. The best leaders ultimately take the biggest risks with nearly every decision they make. It’s why they lead.” Junior leaned closer with every word, voice more adamant with every breath. “It’s what we learn from those failures that matter: how to conquer adversity and emerge stronger and more committed than ever. Those people, like you, Sir, are extraordinary leaders. It means they’ve been tested. Steve, you’ve been tested more than anyone I’ve known.”

Steve pressed the palms of his hands under his eyes, tried controlling the muscle tremors along his jaw, his arms. Because he wasn’t sure he had that type of commitment anymore. If he had the will, the strength. It felt like he’d never learned anything after every death. Every mistake. Just how to lock all the grief and pain away. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it.”

“This isn’t a pep talk. You’re not in a good head space right now. If you were, you’d know what I’m sayin’ is right. The ribbons on your dress uniform aren’t just something pretty to look at. They represent courage and sacrifice.” Junior sighed. “If you think you’re not a great judge of things right now, fine. But trust that _I’m_ a good judge of character. I’d follow you to Hell and back. I can’t name another person I’d do that for.”

It was so much. Pressing down on him all at once.

Before Steve could say anything, the door opened again and Tani made her way over in a hurry. Steve was on his feet before she reached them. 

“Hey. I’m glad I’ve found you. It’s, um, good news,” she said with a smile. “Danny’s in recovery. The doctors said it was touch and go, but he’s resting now.”

Blood roared in his ears. Steve leaned on one of the pews when it felt like he might tip over.

“That’s great news.” Junior gripped Steve’s shoulder. “Isn’t it.”

A floodgate of relief washed over Steve. “Yeah. It is.”

“The doc said maybe in an hour or two, one of us could go in and see him.” Tani watched Steve expectantly.

“Yeah. I want to be there.”

“Didn’t expect any other answer.” She looked at Junior and back to Steve. “In the meantime, we should all grab some food. Fuel up.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Junior said. 

Steve wasn’t hungry but he knew better than to argue. As he started following Tani, Junior rested a hand on his shoulder. “Do you mind if I take the cipher anyway? It could still lead us to Daiyu Mei.”

Burning it sounded more appealing. Steve reached into his back pocket, feeling only a business card there. He rolled his eyes when he recalled what it was for. Switching hands, he pulled the cipher out of his front pocket and handed it over. “Keep me updated.”

Junior brightened at the suggestion. “Of course.”

Walking out, Steve cast one last look back at the chapel, nodding his head in acceptance of holding up his end of the bargain if needed.

* * *

Steve entered Danny’s recovery room with trepidation. He’d been here before after too many life-and-death situations, waiting on the other side of a cold, steel bedrail. Hoping and praying. But this time, it was the result of him. Daiyu Mei may have pulled the trigger, but she went after Danny to hurt Steve. 

_“I have the person you care the most about in the world.”_

Steve sank into the chair, his chest heaving with regret. 

_“I have a good feeling about his, okay? Ten years is a long time. You’re bound to turn the page. We’ll do it together.” Danny rubbed Steve’s arm, his eyes so honest and raw. “I…love ya, man. Okay?”_

Reaching over, Steve took Danny’s hand, careful of the IV line, of the bruises all around his wrist from the manacles. Holding onto Danny’s limp fingers, Steve rubbed his thumb over the bruises knuckles and pressed them to his lips. 

Then Steve took Danny’s hand into his own and rested his arms over the gurney, bowing his head. He’d wait here however long it took, how many hours or days; Steve would not leave until Danny opened his eyes.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Danny remembered fear. Fear at not being able to locate Steve in time. Fear of Daiyu Mei using Danny to torture Steve. _No._ Over his dead body. 

He’d entered this rare head space where survival instinct took over and he’d taken out any threat that stood in his way of finding Steve.

And after what felt like forever, with his arms shaking and his vision blurring around the edges, Danny had caught sight of a familiar shape–his chest heaving in a gasp of pure reprieve.

Then fire ripped through his back and out his chest and the world became a haze disorientation.

He dimly recalled being stripped of his clothes, the beeping of one of those nearby heart monitors, the anesthesiologist telling him, _you’re going to start feeling sleepy._ Then waking up with a mother of all headaches and a dry mouth that tasted like he’d swallowed a dead fish.

Groggy, he drifted in a weird realm between awake and asleep. But throughout it all, Danny felt Steve’s hand gripping his own, heard Steve talk to him in a soothing mantra of words that he couldn’t make out but gave him a steady source of comfort. Of safety. 

Steve’s presence was so warm and giving, Danny couldn’t help feeling it despite being under sedation. 

Under the weight of surgery, Steve’s love, his loyalty…. It did something to Danny, opening a door to part of his soul that he’d kept buried for too many years. It made him long for more. 

He never wanted Steve to leave. 

“What?”

Danny forced his eyes open, his thoughts fuzzy. Did he say something out loud? He craned his heavy head toward the left. “Why’d you let go of my hand?”

Steve’s entire body sagged against the chair in relief. “I’d thought I’d lost you there.”

Danny had never seen Steve so utterly spent. “Naw. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Usually Steve would have a come-back. A zinger or a roll of the eyes. No, this reminded Danny of the Steve on horseback, reminiscing about sunsets, and drowning in melancholy. 

“You know when a patient wakes up, you’re supposed to be excited. Or at least act happy.”

“I am happy.”

“Yeah? Yeah, me too,” Danny lied. 

Because he wasn’t happy. Of course, he thrilled to be alive, to have disappointed the Grim Reaper once more. He was especially happy that Steve was living and breathing, sitting next to him. But this wasn’t _his Steve._

“You know, you still didn’t tell me why you stopped holding my hand.” Danny missed the physical connection. 

“She used you to get to me. She almost killed you.”

“She didn’t,” Danny reminded him. “I’m right here.”

He lifted his hand to prove it, the hand he still wanted Steve to grab again. 

“It’s just…it feels like what I went through with my father.”

Danny started at that, feeling a tug-of-war of emotions. That Steve compared Danny’s kidnapping to the same emotional impact as the loss of his father… _his dad._ One of the most traumatic moments in Steve’s life. The one that drove him to create Five-O and pursue being a cop for over a decade. 

Danny did not know how to process such a comparison. “Oh, please. You’re annoying me already.”

But Steve still sunk in on himself, and damn it, why did Danny have to have a GSW to the chest? Because he really wanted to get out of bed and shake some sense into Steve or give him the biggest hug ever. Damn all the Wo Fats in the world.

“Steve…do not put this whole thing on your shoulders. Just don’t. Don’t make me talk to you like the relative of a victim. _You. Did. Not. Do. This._ Daiyu Mei did. _She_ pulled the trigger. Her hate. Her evil.” 

With every punctuation of his words, Danny got more agitated, the morphine drip unable to numb his uptick in activity anymore. Pain assailed him. Danny closed his eyes against the newest onslaught in hopes of waiting it out.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Did you need the nurse?”

Steve grabbed Danny’s wrist, thumb brushing the inside of his palm.

“No, I’m good,” Danny mumbled. As long as Steve kept doing that.

Steve leaned over the railing. “You need to rest.”

“No, I need to talk about the case.” _And I need you._

But Steve was an asshole and he’d gotten up and grabbed someone, hurrying them inside before Danny could object.

All talk about the case disappeared as the nurse assessed his current status, a discussion that segued to another dose of medication and Danny checked out for another hour or two.

* * *

Waking up in a hospital bed sucked. It was a situation Danny was way too familiar with, but once again, Steve was beside him, watching over him. 

Despite how this made his heart glow with warmth, Danny was stubborn sonofabitch. “Any new leads?”

“You’ve been zonked out for hours and those are your first words?”

“If our roles were reversed. Would you ask anything different?” Danny waited. “Steve?”

“I…I haven’t been keeping track.”

Danny sunk against the bed. Steve was tenacious on cases and a freaking Neanderthal when it was personal. To witness him acting so… _disconnected._ It was all kinds of wrong. 

“Why the hell not?” Danny demanded. 

“What?”

“Why aren’t you all over the case?”

“Because I’m here with you.” Danny stared at Steve’s bewildered face. “Do you want me out on the street instead of by your side?”

“No, I want this....” Danny stuck his arm between the rails. With a shy grin, Steve took Danny’s hand again. “I like this. And God help me for saying it. But I’m worried...because the old you would be here while annexing the nearest break room and hollering at every rookie on the street to go after this woman.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Danny squeezed the strong fingers gripping his. “It’s okay, babe. I just want to acknowledge it out loud that this is different behavior. I don’t want to ignore it like we have been.”

Steve looked away before locking eyes with him again. “I know. But…you really need to rest. I shouldn’t be making you work so hard.”

“Steve.” Now Danny was irritated. Daiyu Mei needed to be caught because she would continue to be a threat hanging over them, a disease that slowly destroyed them. “Do we know where she might be headed?”

“Junior’s on it.”

“What about accomplices?”

Steve folded his arms. “They’re all dead.”

It shouldn’t have surprised him. Danny knew what Steve was capable of—his training and skill. And Danny had been just as tenacious during his escape, but that body count…that was going to be one hell of a report to write.

Danny licked his busted lips. “What about the scene?”

“You’re not going to stop, are you?”

“Why would I? I’m still a cop.”

Something flashed across Steve’s face, a glimmer of his old self, the look he got when challenged. “Yeah. We’ve got a few leads. Cell phone data from her people gives us a picture of where she’s been traveling. We’ve got BOLOs at all the major and private airports.”

“That’s a big net. Makes you wonder what her plan was…afterward.”

Steve rested his hands on his knees in thought. “She would have needed a second location as a backup. Especially if the point was to keep both of us prisoner for a while.”

“Makes sense. This whole thing was about payback. She wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble just for a few minutes of pleasure.” Danny took a moment to regain his breath. “Odds are HPD or the rest of Five-O would have tracked you if she’d been successful in her plan of grabbing you during the exchange.”

“Somewhere secluded with good lines of sight. Tani’s checking all nearby cameras to see if we can catch the direction Daiyu Mei took when she escaped.”

It was still a needle in a haystack. But Steve was thinking about the case and not trapped in his own guilt. 

A nurse came to check in on him again and Danny watched as Steve got one of his faraway looks, the deep, _I’m analyzing every angle and have jumped to some unreasonable conclusion expression._

Danny plucked at the pale blue sheet covering his waist. “Do you know I can predict within reasonable accuracy when you’ve come up with deranged idea?”

“I still have the cipher.”

“You mean the cipher she never really wanted?”

“My mother went to a lot of trouble to mail it to me. It’s got to be worth something.”

“To Doris, Steve. Not to anyone else.”

Steve stared down at his hands, nodding. Of course, he knew better. Because Steve still loved his mother even if she never showed him the same kindness…and it was that guilt, that regret eating away the person before Danny’s eyes. The same person Danny could read like an open book.

Steve leaned over the bedrail, his face determined. “I could use the cipher to draw her out….”

“No.” Danny sighed inwardly, realizing he’d pushed too far. He wanted Steve reengaged, not thinking of himself as bait. Jesus, the man never did things by halves. “We both just used the last of our nine lives during the last stand-off with that woman. You’re not using yourself as bait. Not gonna happen.”

“I won’t risk her being out there.”

“And I won’t risk _you._ You are not a chess piece or sacrificial lamb. And I care too much about you to allow yourself to be one either.”

Steve got that sad stunned look about him, the one where he couldn’t handle the fact that someone outright showed him love. Or chose him over anything else in the world. No one should ever feel like they would always come in second place, especially Steve. 

Danny cleared his throat. “Now, let’s think of a better plan, all right?”

* * *

Danny feel asleep at one point and when he woke up, Steve was still in the chair next to him, still waiting. And yeah, it still did weird things to Danny’s heart knowing that. Damn drugs, messing with his protective barriers. 

Steve looked up from his tablet and brightened at seeing Danny awake. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Danny couldn’t help smiling in return. It felt like a lifetime ago since he’d seen Steve with a glint in his eyes. “When did you get that?”

“Adam dropped it off for me while you were asleep.”

Danny gently rubbed at his eyes, careful not to touch the rest of his swollen face, his focus narrowing on Steve. “Are you still wearing the same clothes from earlier?

“Yeah.”

“With the shirt stained with…you know. My blood?”

Steve stared down at himself. “Maybe.”

Danny was going to have words with his team about their responsibilities in Steve-wrangling while Danny was laid up. “You really should go take a shower or something. Maybe get some sleep.”

“No, I’m right where I need to be.”

“That’s very romantic of you, but not very hygienic.” 

Steve flipped the tablet around for Danny to see. “Do you recognize this guy?”

It took a second for Danny to follow Steve’s change in direction. But as soon as he saw the mug shot, anger flared inside him. “Yeah, that’s Huang. He was one of the chuckleheads who enjoyed what he was doing far too much.”

Steve’s gaze flicked from Danny’s face to the mug shot, his jaw clenching. “Yeah? Well, we think he’s still alive. His prints were all over the room where you were kept prisoner but he wasn’t one of the dead bodies at the morgue.”

“We’ve already identified everyone from the scene?”

“I pulled in a few favors and got Noelani some extra help.”

“I wasn’t aware we had any extra coroners.”

Steve didn’t react to Danny’s last sentence. He continued scrolling on his tablet, laser focused. “He’s wanted by Interpol and a few other agencies. Based on his record, he was one of Wo Fat’s favorite cronies.” 

“That would explain why he was eager at get his hands on you.” And why Daiyu Mei had picked Huang to help with the abduction.

“Well, Li Huang just screwed up.” Steve turned the tablet over again with vigor. “He used his wife’s credit card to pull money out an ATM.”

Danny sat up in bed despite the flare of pain. Because that asshole had a mean right hook. “Yeah?”

“Tani and Junior are seeing if they can track anything else to get his location.”

“He might have worked for Wo Fat, but he was definitely Daiyu Mei’s henchman.” 

Steve stared at the tablet. “Good.”

Danny pushed up in bed as much as he dared. This felt like an important moment. He had no idea why. “Steve. Daiyu Mei is a sociopath. Just like her deranged husband. She only thinks in a single line. That doesn’t mean you have to.”

Steve didn’t look him in the eye. “I want to end this.”

“So, do I. But not at the risk of losing you.” When Steve didn’t even try to claim he wouldn’t let that happen, Danny went on full alert. “This is not even up for debate.”

Yet again, Steve ignored him. And fuck no. Danny was not in the mood for this. “Let me ask you a question. If there had been fifty people guarding me, would you have hesitated to rescue me?”

“No.”

“And why is that?”

“Danny.”

“Why?”

Steve swallowed. He looked up at Danny, gave him his full attention even while his voice went quiet. “Because…you’re…you’re my Danno.”

“And you’re my Steve.” Danny’s heart thumped inside his breastbone. “One does not negate the other. Don’t we both deserve happiness?”

“Of course.”

“Together? Without one giving up something for the other?”

“Danny…I can’t guarantee that.”

 _No._ Danny couldn’t take it, couldn’t allow Steve to ever feel as though he was anything other than one of the most precious things on Earth to him. “Why is it that you’re the one who has to give up something, huh? You had a shitty life as a teen. Got reprogrammed by the Navy and fucked over by your mother more times than I can count. But you are not expendable, tradable, or anything other type of _less than_ …. You are... _God,_ Steve. You’re everything…to a lot of people, but _especially_ to me.”

Danny was shaking now, and Steve had gone very, very still. 

“You’re…,” Steve closed his mouth then opened it again. “You’re everything to me, too.”

“Good.” Danny sucked in a pained breath, shocked that the monitors weren’t giving away how terrified and relived he felt at this very moment. “Then try to stick around long enough to know what it’s like to appreciate it.”

Steve put the tablet in his lap and reached over the railing to take Danny’s hand. “I’ll try.”

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: for canon typical violence.  
> Apologies for the slightly longer delay, but the world keeps challenging us. ♥

* * *

The day’s events reminded Steve what it felt like to carry a hundred-pound rucksack for miles in desert heat. The weight a constant two-fold battle of physical and mental endurance. Every time Steve felt himself drift, he startled awake in his chair, his heart thumping wildly until he saw Danny sleeping in the hospital bed.

He wasn’t going to get any sleep this way. His ability to help on the case decreased with every hour he didn’t allow for proper rest. If he were a member of the team, he would have sent his ass home. But he couldn’t leave Danny. Not right now, not with Daiyu Mei still out there. God, how did it ever come to this?

Was this what it felt like to drown on dry land? In feelings of failure and guilt. He would have never survived the SEAL Teams with this type of lingering doubt. It felt foreign to him, like living inside a stranger’s skin. 

Junior’s words about leadership resonated in his head. Steve rubbed the outside of his pants pocket at the folds created by the business card still hidden away.

“You’re still here.”

Steve smiled at hearing Danny’s groggy voice. “Yeah. Got nowhere better to be.”

“I’m pretty sure a shower and bed would beg to differ.” Danny yawned. “Seriously, babe. Go home.”

But even the thought caused his chest to get tight. “I’m good.”

“It’s got to be past visiting hours.” Danny looked at the window, no doubt at the streaming sunlight. “It’s morning?” He blinked up at Steve. “You spent the night here?”

Steve shrugged.

For someone who’d just survived a close brush with death, Danny was a very perceptive person, eyeing Steve with more focus than he thought possible given his injuries and battered face.

“You’re afraid to leave.”

Steve looked away. But he wouldn’t lie. “Maybe the thought makes me uneasy.”

“Inside a hospital with a thousand patients and staff?”

“It's not _them_ I’m worried about.”

“Then put a guard outside. Put ten.”

Some of the weight lifted from Steve’s shoulders. “Really?”

“If it makes you feel better.” Danny shifted with a grimace. “If I were sitting in that chair I’d feel just as torn up inside. While I doubt that Daiyu Mei will do anything, I don’t want you wasting energy worrying about it.”

Steve couldn’t help the smile spread across his face. “You’re really something, aren’t you?”

“I like to think so.”

Steve laughed a full belly snicker. It felt good. 

“Seriously. You need to sleep,” Danny insisted around a yawn. “I need to sleep. Call Duke and get one of his boys on it. Then go home and make sure both Junior and Tani stay the night.” Steve raised an eyebrow and Danny snorted. “I’m allowed to be paranoid, too.”

“I’m not paranoid.”

“Sure, you’re not.” Danny settled back down in the bed his eyes going half-mast. “Why are you still here?”

Leaning over, Steve took Danny’s warm hand. “Because I want to be.”

* * *

Funny enough, Steve realized that he and Danny were not the only bull-headed members of the team. 

“You know I love ya like a brother, but you’re going to shut up and listen to me,” Lou lectured. “I am _not_ taking you to the office, you’re going home. Where you will eat, shower, and get some shuteye.”

Steve folded his arms. “I doubt Daiyu Mei is taking it easy.”

“This is why there will be two patrol cars outside your house and Junes…well, Junior is just going to go home. We’ve all been at it for over twenty-fours.”

Junior didn’t argue. Tani and Adam looked on quietly as they all stood outside Danny’s room. 

“I can’t allow the trail to go cold,” Steve insisted. He looked at the rest of the team. “Where are we?”

Tani took the lead. “We’ve been able to trace a few other purchases made by Li Huang. Mostly restaurants and take-out. They were all made before Danny’s kidnapping, but it might help us focus our search.”

“If they’re all food purchases, it could mean Huang is staying at a hotel,” Steve postulated. 

Adam nodded. “I’ve working on grid pattern to search. We’ve got it narrowed down to fifteen blocks. Which I know is a lot, but….”

“It’s a start.” Steve looked at each them. “Good. I’ll go and shower then—” He paused mid-sentence after noticing everyone exchanging looks. “What?”

Lou sighed. “It’s been a long couple of days…and even a longer week.”

“And you took out like a dozen bad guys last night,” Tani added.

Steve felt his ire grow. “Yeah, and?”

“And then you wandered around the hospital like a zombie.”

“Then destroyed an office.”

“Then…disappeared for a while.”

“And spent the night folded up in a chair.”

Steve ignored who said what. They didn’t have time to psychoanalyze him. Maybe later when this was all over. “Yeah, well, I’m good now.”

“Steve…,” Junior said quietly. 

“What?” His phone vibrated, but Steve never looked away, sending his intent to stay on the case with a furious overbearing stare at everyone. 

His phone vibrated again, and he finally looked at the text message.

_It’s too bad we never finished our meeting._

Steve gestured at Adam to trace the call. Adam quickly called Quinn at HQ. 

Staring at his cell, he breathed hard through his nostrils before typing. 

Oh, yeah? Well, that can still happen.

_Perhaps another time._

What? You can’t meet without your thugs? Your husband would be disappointed.

_Yesterday was not the day for us._

Steve looked up, but Junior and Adam both signaled for Steve to keep stalling. 

It’s not over, Steve typed. What are you afraid of? 

_I would think you’d be at your friend’s bedside. You never know what might happen if you stray too far._

Steve almost broke the phone with his hands, doing everything in his power to remain calm as he typed: 

You need to find the deepest darkest hole and hide. Because I will never stop hunting you down.

_Keep looking over your shoulder. When you least expect it. I will be there. Or maybe I’ll go to Bay area. I hear San Fran is nice this time of year._

Steve’s brain was slow to register the implication of the threat, and the moment it did, it was like lighting a match over a leaking fuel line. 

Turning toward, Steve pinned Adam with a glare. “Tell me you got a location.”

“Not…exactly.”

“What do you have?” Steve demanded. 

“It looks like…,” Adam listened to Quinn on the other line. “She says it looks like the International Pier.”

“Text me the coordinates.” Steve stared at Junior and held open his palm. “I need your keys.”

Lou released a heavy breath and Tani looked between Steve and the rest of the team. 

“That wasn’t a request,” Steve growled.

“Hey now.” Lou stepped in front of Steve. “Let's just—” 

“If she’s at the pier, then she’s probably boarding a ship as we speak.” There was no debate or discussion. 

“Steve’s right,” Junior said. “If we’re going to capture her, we need to coordinate with HPD and—"

“No HPD. No SWAT.” Steve shook his head. “We’re not tipping our hands.”

“And if she has another army with her?” Adam asked.

“We’ve got four more people than when it was just Danny and I,” Steve said.

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Tani agreed.

Lou nodded then looked at Steve. “All right, but you need to make one short detour before we go.”

* * *

Steve had hoped to give a quick update and be out of the room before anything said could sink in. He was wrong.

Danny stared at him, his expression going from annoyance to anger to resignation in a span of ten seconds. He finally settled against his pillows and sighed. “I know I’m the one who wound you up like a spring-loaded toy and pointed you toward the case, but it was because I wanted you to stop fixating on the idea that this was your fault.”

“This has to be done.... She’ll always be there, stalking us, poisoning any chance at happiness. And you’re right.” Steve blew out a breath his heart and mind agreeing for once. “We both deserve it.”

A wan smile lit up Danny’s face. He held up both arms and gestured at Steve. “Come here.” 

Steve needed to leave, but his feet moved on their own accord as he leaned over the bed rail so Danny wouldn’t have to reach. Danny wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, holding him tight. “You come back alive and in one piece. Do you understand? Come back. To _me._ ”

Steve never promised what he couldn’t deliver. He almost refrained from saying something that wasn’t true. But for the first time since he could remember, those words were not the ones that flowed out of mouth. “I will not give Daiyu Mei the satisfaction of destroying anything else in our lives. She is a threat that must be eliminated. I’ll come back here. _To you._ ”

Danny let go of Steve and settled back against the bed, staring up at him with the most serious expression he’d ever seen. “I’m holding you to that, Steve. You hear me?”

“Loud and clear. I promise.”

* * *

The chances that Daiyu Mei was still on the island were low. Odds were even lower that she could be located among hundreds of ships and boats. Steve still had some pull in high places. He got an hour delay on all routes leaving the island. It was a pricy favor. A million dollars or more. But when you save a state from bioweapons, nuclear bombs, and international terrorists, well, those favors got cashed. 

Now they had to locate her. 

Returning to China was obvious. If she wanted to fulfill her threat, San Francisco was another possibility. 

Steve was ready for war. The strap of his M4 assault rifle was slung over his shoulder as he drove to the pier, the weapon resting in his lap. He’d insisted the whole team be ready to engage as soon as they exited their vehicles.

 _“Hey, Boss,”_ Adam spoke over the coms.

“Yeah?”

_“Li Huang just used his cell phone. I’m sending you his coordinates.”_

Steve checked his phone. Huang was at the east side of the pier. Maybe two minutes away.

“You ready for this?” Junior asked from the passenger seat.

“We’re ending Daiyu Mei’s reign of terror. Now.”

“Copy that.”

Steve pulled behind a row of large blue shipping containers. This was the perfect spot for an ambush. A giant transit shed loomed in the distance: a metal structure on a wharf used to protect cargo from weather damage. 

Steve opened the truck door, weapon at the ready as he stepped outside. 

Adam and Quinn were to Steve’s rear. Tani and Lou to his left. Junior beside him. 

Steve held up his hand…then lowered it, signaling the moment to engage.

He charged forward and moved around the blue container. They were met with a barrage of weapon’s fire.

The team scattered. Steve took covered beside a hulking shipping container. He risked a glance around the corner. There were eight shooters, all of them standing behind stacks of rubber tires and metal drums.

“Cover me!” Steve yelled.

Adam and Lou laid down fire while Steve moved out of the position of safety, taking out one target then another. That left six remaining. All shooting at them. 

“On your left,” Junior yelled.

Tani had rounded the container and fired from her side. Junior had darted toward another container. He and Tani had Daiyu Mei’s men in a crossfire.

The longer this went on, the greater the chance Daiyu Mei would use the battle as cover to escape. Steve scanned the barrels and wooden pallets the goons were using for cover.

He took a chance and fired at the metal drums. The contents inside the barrels exploded, sending flames into the air, and taking out several targets.

During the chaos, Steve spotted movement, his heart thumping as he recognized Daiyu Mei in the background running toward the container transit.

“Moving,” Steve announced.

His team continued engaging with Daiyu Mei’s remaining men as Steve followed their leader. 

“On your six!” Junior called out.

The firefight continued behind Steve and Junior as they both pursued Daiyu Mei. Steve knew his team could handle her goons as he kept in step with her frantic pace.

With Junior as his heels Steve kept his weapon at ready as they approached the metal transit shed. 

Steve spotted the glint of sunlight on metal. “Down, down!”

Bullets rained down on them. 

Junior returned fire as Steve rolled away and came back to his feet. 

Six men were hidden behind a white shipping container, representing a second line of defense.

One by one, Steve and Junior took out Daiyu Mei’s security detail. Soon Tani joined them. 

“Report!” Steve ordered. 

“Lou and Adam are securing those still left alive.” Tani rose to her feet, fired several volleys then returned to a crouch. “They’ll rendezvous with us as soon as they’re done.”

“I need you two to hold them off while I go after Daiyu Mei.”

Steve didn’t wait for a response. He didn’t have to. Junior and Tani laid down suppression fire as Steve took off.

The transit shed was massive, over four stories high and meant to store tons of cargo. Not every slot housed a freight container, creating a multi-level web of steel. 

A bullet wheezed by his head. Followed by a second. Steve moved behind a wooden pallet. The angle of the shot came from above. He risked a glance up and spotted a blur of motion. Daiyu Mei was scaling the transit shed. 

Slinging his rifle over his shoulder ,Steve gave chase. 

It didn’t take long to climb the first few levels. Steve’s adrenaline was on overdrive. He reached the top of the container, but his quarry was not in sight. Searching, he spotted Daiyu Mei racing across a series of metal platforms. 

His feet pounded across metal as he jumped from one steel box to another. And with every leap, Steve gained speed, his bones jarring from motion, his breath fast and furious. He was almost dizzy from the overload of endorphins.

Nearing the edge of the next platform, Steve slowed down enough to unshoulder his M4 rifle.

He spotted movement coming from the ground. Steve threw himself onto his belly. A single hesitation later and he would have been ripped in half by resulting gunfire. 

While lying flat on his stomach, he watched Daiyu Mei leap off the last container and out of sight.

Bullets peppered his position. Steve had no choice but to roll to his right. He peaked over the edge of the platform and spotted a smaller container. As he continued to take fire, he scrambled down the side of the container to the one below, then made the final drop to the ground. 

Wiping sweat from his eye, he plastered his back against the shipping container, listening for signs of the other shooter.

Blood roared in his ears, but Steve focused past his team’s firefight in the distance. As he concentrated, trying to separate noises, he heard moving vehicles, the banging clamor of cranes, and the scraping sound of feet over concrete.

Someone was behind him.

Steve whirled around. He recognized Li Huang from his picture. 

Huang dived toward the ground. But not before he got off a shot at the same time Steve fired at him.

Something slammed into Steve’s sternum, knocking him off his feet. His chest hurt from where the bullet struck his vest, but adrenaline was an amazing thing. His lungs could still expand. If he could breathe, he could fight. 

Scrambling to his feet, Steve grappled with his rifle. Huang also struggled to his feet. Blood dripped down his left arm as he searched the ground for his gun.

Steve took aim—then noticed Daiyu Mei out of his peripheral vision. 

Steve swung his weapon and fired at her on full-automatic. But Daiyu Mei was no longer there. Steve pivoted, swinging his weapon around searching for Huang, but he didn’t get a change to take him out. The man was on him.

Huang grabbed Steve’s rifle and wrestled him for it. In the melee, Huang shoved Steve against the container, the force sending a jolt up his spine, rattling his sore ribs. Huang forced Steve’s M4 against his chest, trying to jab it into his throat.

Steve kneed Huang in the gut. Then in the groin. Huang stumbled back in pain. 

Steve used the moment to catch his breath, the action sending a flare of pain in his chest. He utilized the split second, gaining his bearings, and swung the end of his rifle at Huang’s head. The rifle butt grazed Huang’s temple, almost knocking him down.

Steve stepped closer for another swing when a pain suddenly engulfed his thigh. He grabbed at the wound, blood leaking through his gloved hand as his weapon clattered to the ground. 

Daiyu Mei stepped out of the shadows, gripping a Glock in her hand. But she didn’t finish him off. She stared, circling.

It felt like a fire-place poker had skewed his thigh. It was _not_ a flesh wound. Steve’s leg started to buckle. He tried hobbling toward the container to use it for support, but Huang blindsided Steve, shoving him against the container again. 

Steve’s skull smacked the unyielding metal hard. Woozy, Steve couldn’t raise his hands to defend himself. Huang punched Steve in the abdomen. Then the upper ribs. Each blow was harder and more deliberate then the one before.

Steve reached blindly for his side arm, but his head was spinning, his hand missing his holster by inches.

Huang removed Steve’s SIG and struck him across the jaw with the barrel of his own gun. Steve’s ears rang and his vision swam. Then Huang pistol whipped him again on the opposite side of his face.

Huang stepped back, pining Steve in place with his left hand to keep him from moving. But all it did was keep Steve from sliding to the ground. He was too disorientated to move. His face and head throbbed. Blood leaked from the wound in his thigh, shock and dizziness assailing him. 

Daiyu Mei walked behind Huang, remaining at a safe distance, but close enough that Steve could see her piercing gaze.

“His friends are getting closer,” she said. “Honor my husband.”

Her husband. _Wo Fat._ The man responsible for a decade of misery and pain. His wife, responsible for shooting Danny. Nearly killing him.

 _Danny._ Steve had made him a promise. 

Hung pointed Steve’s SIG at his head. Steve noticed blood oozing out of Hung’s left bicep. _The arm holding him in place._ Zeroing in on the blood, Steve reached out and dug his fingers into the bullet wound.

Huang howled in pain. Steve took Huang’s wrist, twisting his arm at a sharp angle, and ripped the gun out of his hand in the process, shooting Huang center mass.

Adrenaline pumping, Steve swung around, only to come face-to-face with Daiyu Mei. She shot Steve point blank.

For the second time that day, something hard slammed into Steve’s chest. The force flinging him to the ground, onto his back. He groaned. His hands flailed over the spot when the bullet struck the vest. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. His ribs were broken and he was bleeding out from his leg wound. Time started ticking away….

Steve gasped for air as Daiyu Mei stood over him, his thoughts drifting back to the chapel at the bargain struck, his mind slowly accepting the terms of the deal. 

The firefight in the background had stopped; his team would be here in seconds. Probably not in time to save him, but it would be over for her. His Ohana and Danny would be safe.

But something urged him on. A voice. It sounded like Joe. _Never quit, never surrender._ Then Danny. _Come back to me._ Steve fumbled for the SIG that lay just out of reach.

“Fighting until the bitter end. How very McGarrett of you.” Daiyu Mei pointed her Glock at him. “Say hello to my husband when you see him.”

Steve stretched as far he could, his fingers brushing against metal.

_Click._

His heart stopped. Steve looked up at Daiyu Mei’s shocked eyes.

_Click. Click. Click._

_She’s out of ammo,_ his dad’s voice yelled.

Screaming, Steve grabbed his SIG and pointed it at her. 

She froze, staring at him with a calculating smile. She held her hands up. “You wouldn’t–”

Steve squeezed the trigger three times. 

Daiyu Mei’s body jerked from each round before collapsing beside him. Dead. It felt eerily reminiscent.

His body trembling, Steve flopped to the ground and stared up at the fading blue sky. His breathing ragged, his thoughts hazy.

“Steve!”

He heard voices. One after another. Familiar faces of his team peered over him, anxious and worried. Lou called for an ambulance while Junior tried assessing Steve’s condition. 

All the while Steve couldn’t help the half smile the spread across his face. He’d kept his promise to Danny. Maybe not the whole promise, but the important part. 

Closing his eyes, he ignored all the frantic voices urging him to stay awake. Because Steve knew when he opened them back up again; he’d see Danny’s worried, but happy face. It was enough.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

Whenever a nurse entered Danny’s room, he craned his neck to see outside the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Steve returning. Or the Team. Or anyone except for Officer Sheridan, who was standing guard. 

It’d been two hours since Steve told him of the plan to go after Daiyu Mei. Two hours without a single word from anyone. He didn’t have a police radio or updates on a cell phone. He had even called Officer Sheridan over a few times without any luck.

It was like sitting on top of a powder keg of anxiety. He could not watch TV, too amped up to focus on what was on the screen. His medications constantly made him feel like his brain was swimming in sludge. Every time he fell asleep, he woke up even more on edge.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, a familiar face walked inside his room. _Lou, not Steve._ Danny’s heart went into overdrive. 

“Hey, now. Take it easy,” Lou said, walking over.

“Where’s Steve?”

“He’s alive, okay ?” Lou rested his hands on the bed railing. “He’s alive and in surgery.”

 _Alive._ It should have been a relief but all it did was make Danny’s insides flip . “Surgery for what?”

“I ain’t gonna lie. It’s serious. GSW to the thigh. He lost a lot of blood and he’s got two broken ribs. But you know Steve, he’s a stubborn SOB. And let’s face cold hard facts: he’s suffered far worse.”

“He doesn’t need like…another organ ?”

“Not this time.”

The fact that Danny could roll his eyes was a testament to how strung out he felt and the ridiculous life he’d led. “Not this time. Well, good. Because I don’t have spare ones to give.”

Danny started at Lou as pulled out the chair and slumped in the spot Steve had camped out in. “And what about _her_?”

“Dead.”

“Well, that’s something. Until her cousin or second uncle comes out of the woodwork to seek revenge.” Danny played with the edge of the sheet. “You don’t have to stay here with me.”

“Yeah, I do. Junior and Tani are waiting on word from the docs while Quinn and Adam are wrapping up the scene. So you, my friend, get me.”

Danny nodded, not trusting any future words that might come out of his mouth. Deep down he knew Steve would pull through. He _had_ to. Steve kept most of his promise and he would fight like hell to keep the rest. Then maybe they could close the chapter on this latest nightmare…though Danny knew in his bones that wasn’t true. 

He and Steve walking out of the hospital was just the tip of the iceberg—and that scared him the most. 

“Hey, now you listen to me,” Lou’s voice was level. Serious. “I know how that brain of yours works. Let’s focus on healing and physical recovery first? For the both of you. The rest will come in time.”

Time. Danny stared at the clock on the wall and willed the hands to move around as fast as possible.

* * *

“I want to see him,” Danny said. 

“I know.” Lou sighed. “I don’t make the rules.”

“When did that stop us before?” Danny pushed up with his arms before giving up when the pain flared. “How about a wheelchair? Can you get me one of those?”

“He’s in recovery.”

“The wheelchair?” Danny demanded. 

He’d been allowed to sit up in a chair last night. It wouldn’t be a stretch to get him into a wheelchair to go see Steve. 

“Let me talk to the staff caring for him. Okay?”

Danny watched Lou leave, wondering for the twentieth time since he’s heard Steve was out of surgery if he’d have enough strength to get out of bed. He was willing to test his fortitude if push came to shove.

* * *

It so happened that the staff and Danny’s teammates already had a game plan when it came to visiting hours and rooms. They just adopted a proven model from before. After Steve’s vitals stabilized and he was deemed fit to transfer out of recovery, they moved him in with Danny.

Most of the rooms on the current floor were semi-private, so there were already two beds, but given Danny was a cop and under protection, he’d not had a roommate. Until now. 

He waited patiently after they rolled Steve’s bed inside. He kept still while the nurses checked all the lines and tubes before ensuring that Steve was settled in. He even thanked the orderlies who helped Danny get into a wheelchair without pulling on his IVs or other tubes. 

But his heart sank when he got a closer look at Steve. 

Lou hovered by the open door with a resigned expression. “You need anything before I leave?”

Danny noticed Junior and Tani hanging out in the hallway. But he deserved a moment or two of selfishness. “No, I’m good.”

As the door closed, Danny released a heavy breath. It was hard not to stare at the facial swelling and bruises, at the bulking dressing around Steve’s thigh, his leg propped up on a pillow. “Are you trying to one-up me in the black eye department?”

His chest ached at the sight, knowing that Steve put himself through the wringer for Danny. They’d both endured torture and brutality for the other. And damn it, he was sick of all the mutual suffering . 

Tears welled up in his eyes. This time it was Danny that reached through the bedrail to take Steve’s hand. “I’m here. You don’t have to do anything else, but rest. I’m not going anywhere. We’re both safe now .”

* * *

“Dan’y?”

He heard his name. But it didn’t register at first. Danny opened his eyes, the room blurring a little around the edges. It was a miracle he’d fallen asleep sitting up but given the number of meds he was on, not surprising. 

He blinked away sleep, his focus settling on Steve and slowly realizing that the other man was awake and staring blankly at the ceiling. Danny beamed. “Hey, there.”

Steve’s head rolled to one side at the speed of a confused sloth. His mouth drooped a little, but there was no mistaking the smile. Even doped to the gills his expression spoke volumes. 

“I….” Steve wet his lips his voice scratchy. “I came back.” 

“Yes, you did.”

_“To you.”_

Danny started to tear up again, his own voice raspy. “You sure as hell did. Although whole and alive did not mean another GSW.”

Steve closed his eyes and for a moment, Danny thought he’d drifted back asleep, but he saw how hard Steve fought to open them back up again, his fingers twitching along Danny’s.

Breathing hard on his nasal cannula, Steve looked over at his hand being clasped by Danny’s. His dopey smile from earlier got even more ridiculous, elated even. “You’re…not…gonna let go?”

How the roles had reversed.

“Well, at some point I need to get back into my own comfy hospital bed.” Danny gingerly leaned back against his wheelchair, thankful for the good drugs. “But in the meantime. No, I’m not going to let go. Not now. Not ever .”

* * *

It should have been disconcerting that a GSW to the chest and one to the thigh could have the same hospital rehabilitation time. But after three days, both Danny and Steve were deemed well enough to be released.

It was a good thing Junior happened to be a third roommate or the whole convalescence thing would have been a challenge. It hurt to move too much. Every motion pulled on Danny’s healing wound. And he still got dizzy courtesy of the beating and overall weakness. 

Getting out of the car was awkward. Danny was able to get into a standing position, but then needed a moment to catch his breath before hobbling out of the car with his cane and Tani’s help.

Steve had just as challenging a time navigating on crutches with broken ribs. If Danny didn’t know any better, he’d bet money Junior would have carried Steve into the house; instead, he patiently walked beside him just in case he wobbled too much.

Danny had wanted them to recover at his house: it was all one floor. But he knew they would need help with day-to-day stuff, and he didn’t want to take Steve away from the sound of lapping waves and an ocean breeze.

Tani got Danny settled on the sofa and went back to the car to grab the rest of their stuff from the hospital. 

Junior deposited Steve on the sofa next to Danny then stood in the middle of the living room. “So, I moved things around. I’ll be staying upstairs, and I put all of Steve’s stuff in the guest room.”

After he slumped against the cushions, Danny’s sluggish thoughts caught up to him. The math still wasn’t adding up and he gave Junior a quizzical look.

Junior moved the coffee table over so Steve could prop up his leg. “Don’t worry. I bought a bigger mattress to replace the twin bed in there.”

Steve looked like a bruised owl the way he blinked at Junior. Danny reached over and patted his good leg. “I doubt either one of us can really bunk it out here in the living room.”

It was a testament to how out of it Steve still was that the thought just occurred to him that perhaps neither one of them was up for sleeping on the sofa.

An uneasy thought came to Danny and he looked over at Steve with little trepidation. “I mean, I understand if you need your own space. Tani or Lou could take me to my house to—”

“Just tell me how much I owe you for the new bed,” Steve said to Junior before raising an eyebrow in question at Danny . 

Feeling chagrined, Danny settled back against the sofa, his hand still resting on Steve’s leg.

* * *

Danny had slept in Steve’s bed on random occasions. Each time was out an act of comfort. Usually after some horrific nightmare or horrid case. The consistency in that tradition was disturbing. 

He sat on the edge of the mattress deciding if it was worth the effort to remove his sweatpants. “My head feels like a kite floating away.” Danny glanced over and watched Steve hobble toward his side of the bed and stare at in as if it held the secrets to the universe. “Want me to call Junior?”

“No.”

Steve leaned his crutches against the wall then sat on the edge of the mattress almost mirroring Danny. Taking three rapid breaths, Steve swung his legs over with a horrible groan before getting vertical. He held himself rigid for two solid minutes before his breathing evened out again. 

“You're a masochist, you know that? Ask for help next time.”

With some effort, Danny took his time, doing whatever he could not to jar his body until he lay flat on the bed, his shoulder brushing Steve’s. He took Steve’s hand, relishing the warmth when he felt a minor tremor run through it. He looked over, but Steve had his eyes squeezed shut. “You okay?”

“Just waiting for the room to quit spinning.”

Percocet always gave Steve weird side effects; it was one of the reasons why he hated them. But the other kind of painkillers made him nauseous which was a big no-no with broken ribs. 

“Want to go to sleep?”

“No.”

“I would love to tell you a bedtime story, but I’m afraid my brain feels like a giant piece of swish cheese.”

Steve grinned even while his eyes were still closed. “Swish ?”

“See, what I mean?”

Steve rubbed his fingers up and down Danny’s arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk.” 

At any other time, Danny would consider that an overused pick-up line. But Steve continued rubbing the pads of his fingers against underside of Danny’s arm. It was soothing. Hypnotic. “Am I a cat?”

“Hmmmm?” Steve said like he’d just woken up. He looked over blinking. “Sorry. I….”

Steve started to remove his hand, but Danny curled his fingers around it. “Hey, it’s okay. If you find it relaxing, then do it all night.” It would probably lull him to sleep.

“I…I keep thinking….”

“About what?” 

“I…I don’t know.”

“You are loopy on pain meds. Come on, let’s just go to sleep.”

“Yeah.”

Whether he knew it or not, Steve continued to gently rub his fingers over the same path as before; and it seconds, Danny was out like a light.

* * *

Day one recovering at Steve’s turned into day two, then three. It all blurred together, the hours finally solidifying into something tangible once their doses of pain killers were reduced. Danny could remember conversations now and it didn’t feel like he was slogging through concrete as much. The pain still flared up, but at more manageable levels. 

Wandering out of the kitchen, Danny found Steve where he’d been the last dozen times, in the recliner, mindlessly flipping TV channels. He was wearing one of his sleeveless shirts that showed off his shoulder and arms. “I heard the phone ring while I was making lunch.”

“It was Lou.”

“Yeah?”

Steve flipped through channels faster than possible to pay attention. “The governor authorized a special inquiry into the case.”

“An inquiry? About what? Taking out terrorists?”

“There was an excessive body count. Even by our standards.”

“All justified.”

“The governor knows. But we have to let things play out.”

“Do _you_ know? You don’t sound convinced.”

Steve tossed the remote to the coffee table with a clatter. He leaned back cradling his side. “It made me think back to a case a couple weeks ago. Cynthia. The one I had a standoff with.”

It took a moment for Danny to remember the case Steve was on while Danny was in San Francisco visiting Grace. “The one where you said you empathized with her need to kill those who murdered her husband.”

“I talked her out of doing the very thing I just committed.”

Images of Marco Reyes flashed in Danny’s mind.

“Not the same. Daiyu Mei was a threat. She would have gone after Mary or…,” Danny swallowed. “Grace or Charlie. She would try to grab you again. She was bent of revenge. Nothing would have stopped her except the bullets you put into her.” 

“And I get that. I don’t regret using lethal force, I just…I just hate that I didn’t even hesitate using it again. Over a dozen times.” Steve rubbed hand over his face and winced. “Every pull of the trigger was a means to an end. Removing obstacles…and I’m…I’m just tired that my brain is programmed that way.” 

“You are not some unfeeling killing machine, Steve. You adopt stray animals and people and give them homes and jobs and purpose. You went from not knowing how to behave around a child to being able to play with and make them smile.” Danny walked over and stood in front of the recliner. “You have grown into a very soft and fuzzy human being.”

“Soft and fuzzy, huh?”

“Most of the time.” Danny brushed a hand over the one part of Steve’s face that didn’t look like it hurt. “When you don’t behave like a caveman.”

Like many opportunities, this was a moment Danny couldn’t let slip by. Even of all he wanted to do was kiss the man before him. “Before kidnappings and ciphers, we were supposed to sit down and have a talk.”

Steve looked away. “I know.”

“The last year has been…it’s been crazy rough, babe. Grief…it festers . I ignored it when my partner, Grace, was murdered. Didn’t deal with it _at all_ with my brother.” Danny sat on the edge of the sofa, his voice soft, his eyes only on Steve’s face. “You can’t hold it in anymore. Your dad. Joe. Doris. All were tragic, violent deaths. Just one would fuck up the strongest person, but all three?”

Steve dug his fingers into the arms of the recliner. “I don’t want to think about it. The way they died. How it made me feel. It’s not like it changes what happened. And I know…I need to. That I have to face it. But… _Jesus._ Why? Why do I have to relive the things I regret the most? That…that _hurt_ so much?”

“Because you haven’t, not really. You stuffed everything away. Grief, anger, guilt. It twists you up inside and you have so much love to give, babe. But you can’t feel love or give love when your heart is full of guilt and loss.”

“Are you saying I can’t love you?” The pain and fear stripping Steve’s voice hollow in that moment speared through Danny.

Danny swallowed the lump in his throat. “No, babe. I’m saying it’s hard to experience joy when your heart is sick.”

Steve looked away, his body sagging with a heavy exhale. “I’m going to call someone. A guy who runs a veteran’s group. He has experience working with people with trauma .”

Danny was taken aback by the admission. He’d been expecting a harder sell. “That’s awesome, babe. Seriously.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a while. I’ll give him a call in the morning. See what he has to say. And you know, get a plan and fix things.”

Danny bit his lip, knowing that wasn’t exactly how therapy worked. There was no easy plan. But he wasn’t going to discourage any momentum. “It a big first step.”

Steve nodded.

“And I’ll be here to help you.”

“With what?”

“Processing. Support. You know, whatever you need.”

Steve stared at his hands. “Thank you. Hopefully, whatever program I need to follow won’t require it .”

Danny didn’t know what method or techniques therapy Steve’s psychologist might use. Based on his personal experience and that of friends there were various types. He would look up his professional profile tomorrow. But whatever they were, this was going to be a long and slow process. There would be many bad days ahead before there were good. 

Instead of saying something that would put more barriers up between them, Danny simply took Steve’s hand. “Whatever you need .”

* * *

Recovery sucked. It always did. 

All Danny could do was rest and recuperate. He could only enter physical therapy to regain his strength once his wound healed. 

And Steve…he had to wait for his leg to heal before he could begin physio on it and his broken ribs aggravated any additional movement. Even though he had the lungs of a fish, he still needed to do breathing exercises to prevent possible pneumonia.

“So, how’s life channel surfing?” Tani asked, taking a seat next to him on the sofa. “Find any good Netflix and Chill options ?”

“Netflix yes, and if you mean chill as in falling asleep during the movie? We’re both experts at that.”

“You two need to work on the other part some more.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “I got shot in the chest and used as piñata. And Steve, being the competitive bastard he is, almost topped me.”

Tani quirked an eyebrow, looking around. “Speaking of…?”

“He’s seeing his doc.”

“Leg or head?”

“The later.”

“And how’s that going?”

Danny wasn’t exactly sure. Steve didn’t talk about his sessions and Danny didn’t pry. “It’s only been three weeks.” And only six weeks since they left the hospital. 

Tani looked like she wanted to say more then decided against it. “The governor’s investigation is wrapping up soon.”

“Oh, yes, her appeasing to small, vocal group about excessive force. Yeah, I heard.”

Danny was sick of thinking about it. He still had weeks before being medically cleared so he’d decided not to waste his energy on it anymore. He was just…so tired of late. Tired and restless and just wishing for….something else? He just couldn’t put his finger on what he needed. 

He searched the room for Eddie, but forgotten that he’d hitched a ride with Junior and Steve. 

Just then, he heard the car pull up in the driveway. Tani beamed. “Awesome. We can cook out now.”

* * *

Danny wasn’t a sound sleeper on the best of nights. Part of it was having cop ears, being hyper-aware of danger. The other part was being a father, always alert for your children. He was comfortable enough at Steve’s house after a couple months of living there, but it wasn’t his bed, and the sounds during the nights were not the ones associated with home.

It didn’t help that he was still healing from major injury which made it hard to sleep for more than few hours at a time. So, he didn’t miss the fact that Steve would get up in the middle of the night to go to the living room then pretend like he’d gotten up early in the morning. It wasn’t a lie per se, but Steve was hiding something from Danny, and that just wasn’t a good foundation for any relationship.

Throwing on a t-shirt, he padded down the hallway to find Steve in the recliner again staring at the ceiling. Danny purposely stepped on a creaky floorboard to announce his presence. “Steve?”

Steve didn’t startle, he tensed, posed to launch himself off the recliner if need be. Danny frowned at the familiar response. “Something on your mind?”

Steve let out a long sigh. “Just couldn't sleep.”

“Usually when you can’t sleep it’s because you’re thinking about something.”

“I tried this thing the doc suggested. Saying certain positive phrases and focusing on my breathing. I mean, I’m used to that type of technique in the Teams. During missions.” Steve got a faraway look in his eye before returning to the present. He shook his head. “It helps for a little while but then my head just starts filling up again with things I don’t want to think about anymore .”

“Memories or just you know internalized judgment ?”

“Both.”

Danny knew what it was like to wake up in the morning already in a state of hyper-stress. Thoughts about past errors invading his thoughts, mistakes repeating over and over again—or worse, imagining worse-case scenarios for things that had not happened yet. Self-sabotaging so he could prepare for when things went bad. Even if they never did . 

All that negative thinking destroying his ability to just enjoy the here and now. He’d sought help before. After the failure of his marriage. Columbia. The liver transplant. Even when Steve had suggested it. 

He knew enough to help Steve navigate. “Sometimes it helps if you pick one memory and face it. Let it play out instead of trying to ignore it.”

Steve rubbed at his eyes. “That’s something I’m trying to do with the doc. He said if I don’t confront what I’m trying to forget, and accept the feelings they conjure up, then I won’t be able to put them behind me.”

“It sucks to face things we want to avoid.”

“I was a SEAL; I was trained not have any fear .”

“Is that why you’re beating yourself up now?” Steve crossed his arms. _Of course, he did._ Danny tried talking in a calm, non-accusatory tone. “You’ve faced bombs and terrorists and gun wielding psychos; you have nothing else to prove to yourself. But when it something close to our heart, friends, family, it really hurts. And no one wants to feel that type of pain. I don’t blame you for trying to protect yourself.”

It took a moment before Danny realized how much of what he as saying applied to him as well. 

“That’s the problem; it’s _all I feel._ ” Steve sat up, angry, gesturing with his hands. “How can I be avoiding things if all I know is…this fucking despair ?”

“It's okay not to have all the answers. I know you hate that. _I hate it._ ” Danny really did, but if anything, he could take his years of off-and-on battles with his own mental health to support Steve with his. “That’s why you’re in therapy: to learn new ways to heal. Because the methods that have gotten you this far in life just don’t work anymore. They might have proved useful for a while—I mean it was drilled into you in the Navy—but they were probably bad coping techniques and now…now your brain just needs help.”

“But I want to be happy, Danny.” Steve cradled his head between his hands. “I want to be happy for you.”

Danny’s heart ached at Steve’s words. He rubbed Steve’s knee, made sure he gave him physical acts of affection. “You need to be happy for yourself first. And it’s okay if you’re not happy all the time, we’d all be Care Bears if we were all like that . You’ll get there, Steve. It takes time. I know. I’ve been there. And I’m here and so are Junior and Tani and Lou. Eddie and Grace and Charlie. We’re all here. Any time, any day.”

It was obvious Steve was exhausted. The mind needed rest to heal. “Come on, come back to bed with me.” 

Steve stood, but his body, his _soul_ looked so damned heavy. Danny wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and walked with him back to their room.

“I can limp on my own.”

“I know you can,” Danny replied fondly.

* * *

Danny soaked in days like today. Laughter and bright sunshine, camaraderie with friends. He became a cop to protect his community, so others could go about their day-to-day lives free of fear.

He sat in a cozy chair and soaked in happiness. Junior throwing a Frisbee with Duke and Tani. Lou trying to take over the grill from Steve. The next-door neighbor, who doted on them because they were injured, bringing over cookies. 

Danny still got tired easy; typically he would not expect a barbeque without overseeing part of the grilling, but he was content to watch for now. Lou had moved over to argue with Steve about spices and Junior had wandered over to grab a bottle of water.

“Hey,” Danny said.

Junior took a couple of gulps. “Hey.”

Danny wasn’t a fan of beating around the bush. “So…how did things go today?”

Junior was a good partner and friend. He fucking worshipped Steve so he understood his hesitancy about saying anything. 

“He was quiet.”

“Was that different than previous appointments?”

Junior looked over at Steve as if to make sure he wasn’t watching him. “Yeah. But I didn’t ask why.”

“I’m not asking for you state secrets. But you’re right there when he finishes his session. And when he gets home it’s just like nothing happened.”

“He doesn’t always just come to the truck. Sometimes he takes a walk. Or goes over to a bench to sit for a while. I let him do whatever he needs.” Junior took another drink. “I had a friend who went through this type of therapy. Retracing memories, trying to pinpoint, you know, triggers and stuff. The things we’ve hidden from ourselves until we have to really sit with it again .”

Steve wasn’t cleared to drive. Danny was glad even if his leg was better; Steve didn’t have to be behind the wheel after something so emotionally draining. 

“I just wish, I dunno, I could get a heads up if a certain day is worse than another?”

“Like I said, he was…quiet.”

Danny watched Steve chuckle at one of Lou’s jokes. Then he wandered toward Adam with a Frisbee in his hand, trying to encourage a game. 

“Hey!” Steve walked over with a beer and handed it to Junior. “You going to play or what?”

“Am I substituting for you?”

Steve was about to respond but Danny interrupted him. “Of courses you are.” He jabbed a finger in Steve’s direction. “Broken ribs. Bad leg.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Yeah, if only.” As soon as the words escaped his mouth, Danny realized how insensitive they sounded.

But Steve either didn’t let on it bothered him or missed the implication completely. He handed the Frisbee over to Junior like it was some sacred objective. “This is a summer McGarrett tradition. Don’t let me down.”

“I’ll be sure to secure this Frisbee with my life.”

“Oh, my God,” Tani snickered. “We’re playing over who has the right to field advantage during the Turkey Football game six months from now.”

“That is a very important advantage,” Steve defended.

“He’s right,” Adam said with a laugh.

Grinning from ear to ear, Steve watched over the Frisbee game like it was the most important war exercise ever staged. Danny took a moment to bask in all the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

* * *

The bed squeaking woke Danny, not fully; he could have drifted back asleep if a part of his brain attuned to danger didn’t make him pause and listen. There, the bed was shaking. Wait no, not the bed.

Danny rolled onto his side and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He made out the outlines of Steve’s back, the way it curved with the rest of his body as it trembled. 

“Steve?” Danny almost reached out but knew better. “Steve,” he said louder.

Steve was curled away from Danny and he finally understood what was happening although he had no idea why. Today had been boring. It wasn’t a therapy day, nothing about the governor’s inquiry. In fact, Tani and Junior had joined them for pizza and a movie after the epic Frisbee game.

It’d been almost a perfect day.

It still hurt to move too suddenly. Carefully, Danny sat up, then reached over, knowing Steve was awake, and rubbed soothing circles over his back. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

The second Danny touched him, Steve shook even harder, his sobs unmistaken, a downpour of grief . 

Danny wrapped both arms around Steve’s shoulders and pulled him close. “Hey, I’ve got you.”

Steve groaned, a low, deep sound from the depths of his soul. Like he’d kept whatever this was locked away for a very long time. He mumbled under his breath, growled in anger and sorrow. Danny caught a few words here and there, apologies to ghosts before his body full-on trembled again.

Danny had seen Steve cry a handful of times, but never at this length, like flood that finally broke through a damn.

All Danny could do was hold onto to him, sharing love and comfort, and after the longest time Steve exhausted himself back to sleep. 

Emotional drained, Danny reached over to grab the edge of the sheet that had fallen away, breaking physical contact. Before he could touch it, Steve reached over and pulled Danny’s arm back around his waist. 

Pleased that he could offer such comfort, Danny went with it, snuggling as close as he could, neither of them talking or discussing the issue, just holding onto each other until Steve’s body relaxed, his breathing slow and steady, Danny succumbing to sleep a few minutes later.

* * *

The sun had only been up a few hours, but Danny didn’t need to be a cop to figure out where Steve would be. Throwing on a soft t-shirt and he went out in his board shorts and slippers. 

Walking onto the lanai, he went toward their chairs. Steve turned in his head in his direction. “Danny—”

“If you try to apologize to me, I’m throwing you into the ocean. Of course, you being you, you’d probably like that.”

Steve had on a tank top and his Navy shorts; his posture relaxed. “I wasn’t going to apologize. I know letting things out is healthy.” He tapped the chair arm with his fingers. “I just…I don’t why it happened last night. I mean, I didn’t have a session because my doctor was sick. We even had a great day with Ohana .”

Danny took a seat in the chair next to Steve. “Maybe it’s because you finally let your guard down and took your mind off things ?”

“Could be.”

“You mean, I could be right.”

“That too,” Steve said with a smirk. His face tanned and for once less stressed looking. “But seriously, I feel…better. More me.”

“That’s great. You unloaded a lot.”

“I have a lot more to go, but it feels like progress.”

Danny watched Steve as he observed the sun rise in the sky, and for a second, Danny was reminded of horses and the mountain trails. Except one memory marked the end of one moment and right now was the beginning of a new one. 

“Something tells me you have something else on your mind.”

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.” Steve shifted in his chair. “You could say that’s one of my biggest issues.” Staring at the ground, he watched a little crab crawl along the sand. “I think I need a break from all of this.”

“All of _this?”_

“The job. Hawaii. Everything.” 

“The governor’s inquiry cleared us of all the shootings,” Danny reminded him.

“Yeah, I know.” Steve looked up at Danny with an expression of trepidation. The last time he’d look at him like that, he wanted to quit the restaurant. Danny’s heart went into his stomach.

“I need to get away for a while. Could be a few weeks. Maybe even a couple of months. I don’t have a timeline. And I was wondering…and this is a lot to ask, but…would you be willing to come with me ?”

Danny almost forgot to breathe. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really you big goof.”

“But I don’t know where….”

“It doesn’t matter. We can throw darts on a map for all I care. As long as they don’t land on countries where we’re not welcome.” Steve McGarrett, U.S. Navy SEAL, really was a gooey marshmallow based on the ridiculous grin he was wearing. Danny’s whole face lit up. “Although, we have to start in Jersey. We’re going to visit my family. And visit Grace as well.”

Danny’s heart was racing but it was a good adrenaline rush for once. Filled with excitement, a little fear, but something more… _relief._

“I can’t believe how fast you’ve agreed to this.”

“I can’t either,” Danny admitted with a smile. “I’ve flown in a helicopter with a nuclear bomb at my feet, was inside a house you lifted up into the air with a helicopter. I’ve been to North Korea. _This?_ What’s there to think about? Except how we’ll pay for it, but I bet you have an answer for that.”

Steve cracked a smile. “I do.”

“And your treatment?”

“My doctor said I could use tele-health. Keep my weekly sessions. I won’t stop those. But he was very agreeable with my idea. He said it might be helpful not to live in a house with so much...damage .”

Steve’s house. It was riddled with so many ghosts. Yeah, this really was a good idea. 

“When did you talk to him?”

“This morning. After you know…last night.” 

The admission made Danny proud. That Steve reached out to his therapist when he needed help. 

Steve stood up and held out his hand. “Walk with me.”

Danny took Steve’s hand as he led him toward the ocean. “Steve?”

But Steve kept walking and Danny kept following. “I’m getting deja vu here.”

Water splashed his legs, over his thoughts. Danny’s protective instincts went up about Steve’s injury, but he reminded himself the wound was no longer bandaged. Steve still limped because of muscle damage but that too, would soon recover.

Danny wandered into the waves until they were deep enough to sort of float above them. The sea was warm, calming. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Danny and pulled him close. Danny wrapped his legs loosely around Steve’s waist, the ocean providing natural buoyancy. “You know this is reminiscent of one of my biggest fantasies.”

“Oh, really?”

Danny’s heart thrummed, a tendril of excitement filling his chest. Steve brushed his lips against his. Danny licked and kissed Steve's lips in return, tasting the salt lingering on his tongue, kissing him even further, until they two of them had to break apart for more air. 

They bobbed among the waves. Danny’s knee brushing against Steve’s inner thigh. “That’s the good one, right ?”

“Yeah,” Steve said breathless. 

“Good, good.”

Danny kissed Steve again, moaning against his mouth as his body flushed with heat, his hands gripping Steve’s arms, Steve doing very amazing things with his tongue. 

The kissing went on so long it could be measured in miles , Danny pulling away, slightly light-headed in a good way. “God, I’ve been waiting a long time for that.” Steve just breathed hard in response. Danny beamed. “I am a patient man, though. And there are many more things I’ve been waiting to do with you.”

“Now…,” Steve licked his lips. “Now we have time to do it.”

“Yeah, we do.” And the decision they made finally hit Danny. Just taking off parts unknown with Steve. Plans would need to be made with Rachel and Charlie. And Danny might have to make a few more return trips to the island to ensure his son didn’t think he was abandoned. But it was the summer, Rachel would be thrilled to finally whisk him to London, something she’d been wanting to do for a while. 

“Now, _you’re_ thinking too much.”

Danny chuckled. “Hey, that’s my line.”

“Are you sure about this, Danny? You can take the time to–”

Danny shushed Steve by kissing him again. “I think we both deserve some time away. Together. It’s been a long time coming.”

Instead of hurrying Steve out of the water, Danny enjoyed just lingering. No rush to be anywhere. He simply bobbed up and down in the sea, remembering a time when he’d balk at such a thing, relishing the fact that people could change. For the better. They could learn and grown and love. 

Life could be cruel sometimes, but it also offered hope. And happiness. 

fini-

* * *

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Title from a Nine Inch Nails song.


End file.
